Sunday, December 31, 2006

The Final Countdown!!!

Only left a few hours to spent in the year 2006. So0 many things that has happened and made me feel so0 much more grown up ( which i hope i'm just 8 years old ) than I'm already am. o0h well, thats life... Gets older every single year... hmm...

The final countdown, eh? I'm just flashing back the stuff happened to me in 2006. Thank You to all of you that are part of my story =>the go0d ones and the villains... ( Although sometimes I wish that I could cease all the villains ) the small and the huge character... Thank you all... For the go0d ones, hope we'll keep in touch... For the villains, y'know what I'm abt to say Back Away StRawBerry VaniLLa IcE cReaM !!

Start a new FReSh , eXtra0rdinArY and uNiqUE chapter!!! 2007, here I come.... Weee!!! :>

-> It's the final countdown.....

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
12:50 PM

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Frustrated!

Today's work was not of what I would expect it to be however, it happened. I thought I was late but then I was quite early, the artist ro0m was still locked when I reached Musical Fountain. hmm... As always I wanted to do centre gate but then one of my collegue hv chose to be at centre gate so0 I was.. o0hky lor... I do gallery... Then arr.... After I pushed everyone away from the centre, this one group of China tour group came in, take conquer and the Tour guide was so0 StraWberrY VaNiLla iCe was telling them not to0 listen to0 me and just stand in the middle... If anything were to happened just now... serve all of them right seh!!! (That would mean me also cuz I'm in the middle of the 4000 people and.. erm... have u seen my SiZe ) Anywayz, since they don't want to move to the side, we hv to move them backwards... and so0 we did but only manage to hv some little space for us... hmm..

The show starts and guess what? Fountain was gone only the laser were working! More fuming from the crowd... The funny thing, there's this one guest came to me and said, 'is there something wrong with the fountain?' I did said yes and tried to explain but she was like saying, 'You better call them up and asked the emcee to restart the show or else i'm gonna ask for refund.' I immediately said with a smile, 'This fountain is a free admission attraction.' She said, 'I know but the admission fee.' I told her again with a grin this time,' you can go anywhere else around Sentosa and Musical Fountain is by choice, you can come or you can not to come..' She walked away... Well, I hope she doesn't take it to0 hard... It's true mah! Musical Fountain is for free... U can come and watch n may not come and watch... No difference, y'know....

Finally, the shows over and thought we'll call it a day.. We got to know that a man fainted and was lucky for us that there's a doctor in the house... (in the fountain)... He's a diabetic or smthing... N hadn't taken any fo0d from 3 o'clock.. I think the heat just dehydrate him and makes him suffocated... Duh! He's among 4000 ppl there... Paramedic came arnd 8.38pm and do all whatever stuff and as for me, jst keep on do my work cuz it would be weird if everyone of us l0oked at the 'situation'... hehehe... I'd say what a day!! Had quite an awkward morning and through the night... hmm.. Frustration!!!

->Things may just happen w/o u noticing it... You'll never know....

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
12:50 AM

Friday, December 29, 2006

Reflection

o0hky! guess what? I've written a very long 'composition' abt reflection a few minutes ago and guez what happened? The PC suddenly re-start itself.. How frustrating can that be? I can't really remember all of the details but i can only remember a few... hmmm...

I was typing abt me being fat and the fo0d was GrEat and it can't be helped..

Anywayz, that wasn't what the topic is all abt. Since new year's coming in 3 days, i've been lo0king back on the things i've done... (lyrics of BSB) and I realised that I'm still ALIVE !! I didn't expect it to be. Honestly, I am aStoniShed of what I've achieved although I did not get into Polytechnic but my achievements way greater and better than I expect it to be.

These achievements are in terms of emotions and intelligence. Not intelligence as in I got A's for everything, it's in terms of matUriTy and coMm0N SenSe . Emotions.. Erm, example.. I was a hot tempered girl and I got angry to EVRYONE when actually I only have to be angry at ONE ... I've controlled my feelings acceptably. I've achieved not to get angry gratuitiously and maintain my current emotions.. I do get pissed and frustrated sometimes but at least, i did not fumed up and kick the table n chairs or even hit the walls... Then again, I might and will do that at some circumstances... Just don't test my patience.. Trust me, you don't want to see that side of me.. But if you do in the future, I'm sorry.. It can't be helped...

For those who've seen it, you do know how obNoXious it can be. Don't ask me how NaSty I got cuz I tend to forget the past and start a fresh new beginning ... What is left to forget is meant to be forgotten.. What is being built and are for memories meant to be remembered and reminisce... Let's put the past behind us and make it the challenge we've achieved or failed and still succeed to move on; Let tomorrow be our fresh challenges and new goals to triumph and grab the Gold ;D

->New Year's coming... Helo0o!!! Smile!!!! :D

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
2:18 PM

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Bo0m!!

The rain hasn't stopped since... I don't know when... I'm damn freaking cold! I don't hv a THICK blanket leh!! I think b'cuz of the rain, i'm getting sleepy each day. That's quite go0d though... I need to learn how to sleep early nowadays since i have PANDA eyes... hmmm..... So0, the weather is go0d in smways but bad for the timing... I'm working outdo0rs and hv to use that freaking bright raincoat... haiz... So0, not vogue... o0h well...

hmm.. What i did today? Let me see... I watched Death Note 2!!!! It's co0l... My fren asked me who will die in the end, and I said Kira (Light) instead of L and death god... Well, Guess what? All of those three died... hmm... Only god knows what...

It was great.... Thanks....

-> It's all about how u lo0k at things... 'Multi-Dimensional'

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
11:11 PM

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Tips for dating anyone?

I watched a t.v show yesterday and there's this show abt dating. It was quite iNtersting and iNfoRmatiVe to0. haha... Well, it's abt real people that having trouble with dating and asking for help. hmm... Well, there's two scenarios involving these two woman with different 'problems'...

First, she was a shy and self concious abt her lo0ks/body woman. She has an expectation towards man and has a VEry LonG list of it to0. However, her problem she doesn't even want to work for it and get going. Not even a smile. She always lo0ked away when a handsome (her type) man lo0ked at her... Neverthelez with some help she managed to be confident and comfortable communicating with the opposite sex... She has 3 dates coming for her... wo0w!

The second one, she's overly confident and overly flirting with guys... Yikes!! She almost get all the jerks instead of gentleman... She's a body-builder and she say it all wrong... In the end, she went out with a guy that she've been waiting for years... hmm... nice!

Well, it was kind of funny though but still it was a nice and informative show... At least, I do get some 'tips'... And it's all simple... It's all abt the smile and the eyes... co0l...

-> Smile and be comfortable with urself... :D

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
11:24 PM

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Morning = afterno0n

I slept at 7 am today from yesterday... The rain jst keeps on teeming and it was freaking cold!! Don't mind that, it rains till now (5.30pm)... Hmm... Well, b'cuz of the aStoNishing weather, I woke up at 4pm... hahaha... I didn't know it's already near to late afterno0n. I thought it's still early in the morning... haha... But it was a great weather. I was suppose to go out to Gas Haus but I think spending time with Bob (now sleeping... ehm) is more imPeRatiVE than my inTerEsT of watching bands performing since i've been so0 BuSy with my stuff and almost forgotten my resP0nSibiLiTY as an Owner... Yeah! I've forgotten to cuDdLe him whenever I'm going to and coming back from scho0l or work or wherever i'm goin... It's really UnFair for him... 0oh well, I'm here at home to cuddle him (even when he sleeps) that would mean disTurb him... hehehe... He's just so0 aDoRabLe when he sleeps... hehehe... I so0 Love him so0 much!!

hmm... I watched Hi-5 today... Yeah.. I know.. I'm 18 years old 'not suppose' to watch it but hey!! They're all older than me... I want to be part of them... huaks... hehehe.... I like their outfits.. It's so0 colourful and cheery and unique... hmm... Maybe I would hv some tips after all. Anyway, New Year's coming... I believe that almost EvEryOne is thinking or trying to make a NeW YeAr's ResoLUti0n cuz I know I am... Well, new year's is all about new stuff and new anything.. And Everything NeW or may be not... I still have my fav pencil for years now... hehe... Y'know what I mean abt new stuff and thingy, right?.. yeah... So0 what's YoUr New Year's Resolution? hmm...

My New YEar's Resolution... Well, I hvn't really finalise it but what I have in mind... I wanna ChAnge I wanna change to new lo0k , new style , new Concept of my ro0m... I might have some colours, stuff and No bed... hahaha... hmm.. NO BED??!! Doesn't it sound co0l?? I got alot SurPrisEs than just that... I'm lo0king forward to 2007... Go0d -Bye 2006!!! Honestly, it was really a BaD year to start with... hahaha... o0h well... Time fly by so0 fast and bad year are so0n to0 be over...

-> New Year's here... Start your own new chapter... :D

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
6:35 PM

Losing

The rain pours non-stop and it chills the air. It has been hours. The rain should've stopped hours ago though (I believe) . However, it just tEem d0wN and continue to freeze the atmosphere. I was watching a movie called "The Christmas Shoes" ... I watched it half an hour late and it was quite a heartrending story. I cried and countless tissues were being used. It has been so0 long since i just want to cry . Usually, the tears are dried and my eyes were as tired as a broken leg...

You never know how much I cursed myself for being alive
You never see the tears I've shed every night
You never know what it's like to be alone in the dark
You never feel so0 much pain just to call out ur name

Tears and my heart bleeds
You laugh as if it's nothing
I tried to pick up every stick
But it was so0 heavy that I couldn't even lift it

Have you ever notice it?
Do you even care to ask how i feel?
How was my day like?
Have I known you'd lie, I might kick ur ChoCOlaTEY go0d-bye!

Well, it's just something that I wanna write before I forget the words... huaks.. It has nothing related to anything or anybody Dead or Alive .... Anywayz, back to the story....: This woman, Maggie, was about to die of heart failure. She has a gLoriOus son and a eNcHanTing husband. It was such a pain to leave both, m0sT iNcRediBLe people. I Could Not imagine if I were in her shoes. To leave my child behind is the MoSt diFFicUlT thing to do, especially when he/she is jst as young as a peanut. Not to mention with the man I LoVE long before my child was born... hmm... I've been there and it's so0 pAinFUL ... o0h Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that I'm married and had to leave my husband and child.. I'm still ALIVE and NO! I'm not a divorcee..(Choy! Touch wo0d)...

As most people know, I love children and wished that I hv younger siblings but at least I do hv a cat, Bob and he is considered as my one n only lovable sibling... My one n only darling... And so0, I love babies and there were these period of times where we to0k care of my cousin's son for the fun of it... There were two different cousin and two sons Irfan and Haizel... Irfan is now 3 years old and Haizel is just 1 years old... (plus one for next years' age).... Both of them are very naughty and very smart as well as very mischievous... (They bully me!!!) Well, since the house become a such a ragged and i've started working... We seldom take Haizel out or meet him... He was (n i guess still is) really upset and didn't want to lo0k at us when we're 2 weeks late abt meeting him... It would take really long hours to co0l him down... However, one day I went to surprise him... He was excited abt seeing me and telling him that I wanted to bring him out. Unfortunately, his grandparents had already make plans so0 I was out of the 'game'...

I was amazed by his action. Automatically, he shows a very weak attitude... He's an energetic boy and could not sit still... It was quite awkward to see him like that... He stands by the do0r waiting for me to pick him up and I did went to him... It was flabbergasted that he rested his head on my shoulder and sat on my lap. He never usually do that to me... His hand was around me and it feels like he wants me to hold him and never let go. His expression was depressing... He buried his face to hide his disappointment and jst stationed on me. When his grandmother asked him to change, he wouldn't go ... I asked him n st0od him up... He purposely fell onto me and hugged me... I could not hold my tears and the soreness in me... I really do want to bring him out but i hv no power upon him... Luckily he's not my son... haha... Well, in the end, I promised him that I'll be back again and bring him out... so0, I told him to get change... I sto0d him up n unwillingly push him away from me... I can see from his eyes saying to me, "I want you to defend me n bring me out... To fight for me.. I'm going b'cuz you asked me to0 not b'cuz I want to0..." The disappoitment twinge me... He walked inside his ro0m and gave me the 'last lo0k' ;"i'm doing this b'cuz you asked me to0" , that I weeped.... It was sad! Really sad! Extremely Sad!!...

Back to the movie, her child knew she would be gone and bought her a pair of beautiful shoes... He collected tones of cans n sold it for a nickel... Even so0, it wasn't enough... But there were someone pay for him... He wished that his mom won't go0 (I will remember you when my heart beats) but she has to0 no matter what... She loves to dance and every anniversary, she would hv one special dance with her husband (whom at first didn't know how to dance but learn how to dance for the sake of her)... She had the last dance and it was so0 sweet and touching... :'( I couldn't stop crying while watching that... [Could I be as lucky as her?]

->When you love someone, tell them before it's to0 late.....

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
6:52 AM

It's just gonna be a dream of mine

Before i jump onto the topic , I jst wanna say that I went to orchard road on the eve of ChristMas and it was packed! People spraying each other n some got targetted... Luckily I not... huaks... Act smart mah walking alone... huaks... Niways, i met up eith some old peeps + their fwens... Co0l... I got Doreamon for present... huaks... N i nvr give anything to anyone... So0 bad arr... huaks... Well, it wasn't much although it's my first time going there on a festive day... Well, b'cuz it was jam packed and my fwens don't wanna walk (who would want?) but I totally don't mind arr... I wld prefer to walk so0 that i can seE things around... Hmm... Then again i think, I wld prefer to walk along orchard than sitting arnd... Cuz at least can see some action and experience smthing new... I mean, I've never been to orchard on a festive day like Christmas cuz I will be at home watching tv... huaks... So0, Jakun lah sikit... Unfortunately, we just sit arnd and talk, catching up on things... But i don't mind at all though... At least, I do enjoy hanging out with them... huaks...

I'm a bit blur at times when things unclear... Forgive me if I'm asking to0 much of questions and sometimes it's eXtraNe0uS... Just wanna SuBStanTiAte things... So0, please be patience upon me... hehe

Back to the topic of the day... First, hv u ever encounter such feeling that u dont want to feel but it jst keeps coming and u tried so0 hard that it's all bulLsHit n u hate it... but smhw it makes u happy at some point... but u jst hate it so0 much cuz it hurts? Do u understand? Well, I think you won't but for those who can understand what I'm trying to say... Thank you... I don't know but it really crE3ps me out... I feel soo0 ExCruCiating when come to think abt this so0 call feeling... At some point as i've mentioned that it does make me SmiLE :D but it eAts Me from inside... I know some things happen and some things don't happen... Opportunity comes once in a lifetime (at times it just keeps coming to0) but would it be an opportunity that i'm lo0king for or is it just a glimPse of what i'm lo0king for.... I'm cLue-LeZ and I don't know what to do or believe in... Even if the 'oPp0RtuniTy' is right in front of me, I don't think it will until it's obVIOUSly meant for me... Then again, it's all just gonna be a DrEam of mine...

->Swiftly moving on

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
2:30 AM

Sunday, December 24, 2006

What is fear?

What is fear? Does it have to be part of us? Why must there be fear? hmm... I wish there ain't anything call fear... It's ShUrcks!!! Obviously in general 'Fear' is an unpleasant feeling of apprehension or distress caused by the presence or anticipation of fear ...

I wonder how people get over their fear... 'Fear Factor' is one of the T.V shows that broadcast people's fear and overcoming it for money ... Wo0w! I wish I can do that with my fear. Do people tell what's their fear? Some people just won't speak of their fear and some would jst babble abt their fear... I am wondering what is fear exactly... Sometimes it's silly to have fear and running away from it... For example, fear of ghost... What are ghosts? White cloth? Bo0gy Monster? Ugly face? Can they really hurt us?? Come to think abt it, there are more reasons to be and not to be scared... However, I am still wondering what is fear...

Batman fear of Bats... But he became Batman ? Is there part of the whole circle? U're afraid of it but u control it... Is it necessary to hv fear after all? Is it p0iNtLEz or MeANiNgLeZ to hv fear? Fear! FEar! FeAR! What's with fear? It's a go0d thing that some people overcomes their fear.. then again, how many fears do we have in total?? (Not even one but here comes the others) How many times do we have to go through ONE fear to overcome it? If one fear's gonna take THOUSANDS of times to overcome, then that'll mean thousands of times feeling insecure and undefended... That does NOT include the other fears... YIKES!!! That's horrible...

'To overcome fear is to be fear' That's the 'words of wisdom' from Batman... Quite catchy n kind of tricky for some people... It's all depends on how you lo0k at it... However, does it really works?? I'm ought to find out...

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
8:50 AM

Perfect? NOT!

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
but it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you, proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

It's so0 hard to think abt it... Wishing that you'd be proud but you weren't at all... You wished i was as go0d and as talented as those of the others... Well, I'm not... You HATE all the things I LOVE ... You tried to make me abhorrence towards the things I adore . I'm Sorry but I can't do that... I wish that I could but I would be a robot instead... However, I did given up everything and I realise that i hv no meaning living or be alive... It will Hurt for you to see me change... Unfortunately, thats not the way I am... I love you but you jst don't understand...

I'm sorry for not being a go0d child... If i could turn back time, I would change things... I won't let you hv me... I'm a burden to u all... I can't bare to see you suffer b'cuz of me... Why don't HE take me instead of letting me left cluelessly....? How I wish that you'd see me but you never do0... I love you two so0 much... Now, i'm tired to seek for ur attention, your love and your presence.... I'm not perfect! I make mistakes... Forgive me now and forgive me will... I'm gonna be me which I hv a feeling you won't like it... Forgive me that I'm not perfect... Forgive me for everything... Forgive me for not listening... Forgive me for being alive... I'm not perfect... I'm not perfect...

-> No one is perfect

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
1:29 AM

Saturday, December 23, 2006

I wish I never know

I wanna get away from all of this fast... Being blame for one ChoCOlaTEY thing i did not do... ChoCOlaTEY!!! I am one and they are two... One told me to listen to the other one and now bitching me saying I did not listen to that ChoCOlaTEY one itself... Yeah!! Throw him away!! What is he anyway? Jst an ANIMAL right? You wished that you could throw me away to0... Don't ya? Let me tell you this vaNiLla, that animal IS the only ONE that ever understand me, being there for me and always comfort me.... YOU were never there for me NEVER!!! said that you've given me everything eh? Well, you've forgotten to fill the bottle with water... Said that you can be my friend ? You can never be a friend nor a family! You never know what i go through and you never cared to know... All you care is abt that BITCH !! All you can see that facing problem is that bitch... That Bitch! That Bitch! That Bitch!!!... Where am I?? Where did you put me?? You said I blamed others for things happening... Well, you never heard my prayers... You never see my tears... You've never sense my fears... You never know what i'm feeling... YOU NEVER in my life CARE abt me...

Thanks for everything you've supply me with... The needs of a human being... Nutritions, Educations, Shelter... But No thanks for the Love of emptiness You thought you've given all equally.. Yeah! I am rebelling you... Do you know why? Cuz i'm thirst of your ChoCOlaTey love... I've kept everything inside since the day one that I know I'm out of love... Ever wonder why i'm the most BIGHEADED among others?? To0 bad that you never know and will never know... Everytime I wanted to tell you cut me short and blame me for the rest... Thanks alot for taking care... Thanks alot for the help... Well, i tell you what... I don't need your help... I don't need your love... I don't need anything from you no more... Just let me go and I'll be gone from your burden...

But please don't take my only love away from me... He has little time left and I wanna be with him... You said that I don't love him... You said that I didn't take care of him... If i was allowed to use the money for his operation , I would... I'm keeping my money for him... Even so0, it'll take years for me to reach that amt... I let him sleep with me, cuz I know he wants to be cuddle... I was being banned to do that coz he StrawBERRY my bed... I don't care n I don't mind.. But you were the one that's making a big fuss... What does all of this have to do with my friends? I don't even meet them, I don't even talk to them abt anything like this... I don't even care to open my mouth and say these things except when they ask or i jst wanna let it out some... They only said, 'be co0l.. things will get better...' So0 you mean, I shouldn't listen to them and be co0l? Well, I'm not being co0l... I'm not listening to them... I'm listening to myself and asking for rebel... Now what you're gonna say abt that???

You're taking him away like as if he has no soul.. No love... No feeling... You said that you love him when he first comes here n enlightens my life ever since... When the child comes you abandoned him... You hate him... B'cuz he rebels you... yeah! Like what I do... He doesn't listen to you... He just does whatever he wants... That's what I do... But u didn't see that coming, do you? Why he did all that? You didn't notice that to0... He seeks for your attention... He seeks for your love.. That's what I’ve been doing for years... You can't see it that you did the same thing to me... You said you love me just b'cuz you gave birth to me... Well, i don't see that you love me... You gave him nutritions, shelter (cat don’t go to sch); you gave me that to0... But you missed out something that is the love for us two... STOP saying that you love me and given a fair share... Those are just words... I am disappointed... You've said that i've disappointed you, I don't care... Cuz I hv no reason not to0... You take him away and let him die alone... I'll hv the grudge that haunts!

Wish that you'd understand... But you'll never... Said that I'm the stubborn one.. Guess what? Where do I get my genes from?? I know I am bad... I don't care if people know and HATE or DISLIKE me for it... I don't give a ChoCO laTEY damn abt anything... Even if it scares EVERYONE away, that includes someone(even if it change the mindset of that person, i don't care anymore..)... Let Fate do all it's job...

-> Where's Miracle?

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
2:12 PM

Rage!

Why is it always ME?? DamnZ! Should have stayed overnight at Sentosa after the party seh!!... Wish I nvr come home earlier... I'm freaking pissed, man!!! Blame me for what I didn't do? Blame me for everything even if I'm not at home... Y don't you just wish that I'm not alive?? Y don't u jst wish that I'm dead... DEAD!!!... Why blame me for things that I do wrong and never praise me or show any appreciation abt the things i do right? Wait!!... Everything i do is wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!! I never do things anything right, now do i? Waste my time for running here and there... What do I get? Nothing in return... Been going on... like what??... FOREVER!! Ever wonder what starts all of this?? Ever wonder why it happened the way it is? Ever wonder why?? WhY??

Thanks for whatever you've give me... But What i do really need right now is something else that I think you've forgotten... It's sad to say that you see nothing... Just the Blackness of me... There's nothing WhiTe or color that's nice to see... Worst still!! You see me as nothing... I'm just an invisible thing that existed in this real life...

Been lonely all the time
Waiting for some light
Dat will shine for me as of im in the dark
Pitch black it seems nothing can be seen
Throwing myself out of the window
How i wish I would fell flat to the flo0r
Head hits first
Blo0d gushing out
Brain splatting around
I'm not breathing
I'm D.E.A.D (DEAD)!
o0h Yeah! Hope it's for real...
Been hurt so0 many times
Lied to0, countlessly
Broken heart can never mend
I don't care anymore precisely
I meant to be alone
Die in one grave
o0h yeah, i've been thrown
ChoCOlaTEY, i'm rage...

Every child would have this wish.... I wanna get away...........

->When the world goes upside down... Say this.. ChoColaTey, life goes on...

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
2:55 AM

Friday, December 22, 2006

Fantasizing

It would be great if I hv either Chad Michael Murray or Brendan Fehr for my boyfriend. Hmm... Let's see, Chad: He's tall, has the awesome, charming ALL lo0ks and he got an awesome body... Fuyo0w!! He act in movies with character that is simple, low profile and interesting... *wonder if he is like that in real life...hmmm...* Brendan: He's tall to0, more to bad boy, joker kind of cute joker lo0ks but interesting... He act in movies with character of bad boy, stubborn and lame guy... hahaha... Well, this two guys are my ideal guys but hey in real life??? Hahahaha... you can just fantasize...

It can be really co0l to fantasize of having my own boyfriend but I can say that almost ALL of my friends are getting sick of it. haha... I fantasize to0 much... hmm.... It's just me... I love fantasizing stuff that I know i could not get then again you'll never know but then it's better to fantasize than getting hurt deeper than u're already are... Y'know what i mean.. hehehe...

I realise that i don't really know what i'm actually talking abt here... hmm... o0h well... fantasy are some of the things that I would rather believe in than those of reality matters. It makes me feel ALIVE ... I'm sure that everyone has their own fantasy world.. For me i have severals ... hehehe... I have this world with Spiderman, with Wolverine, Michael, Chad, Legolas, Ninja Turtle, Power Rangers... etc... huaks... yeah I know... o0h well... It's really co0l.. I even fight the air, man!! huaks... Damn! Those times are freaking co0l... hmm...

Power Rangers.. no no.. Mighty Morphing Power Rangers are the best among the new generations of Power Rangers.. I was Kimberly the PINK ranger and it's so0 much like me... hehe... She's short and I am to0... She's gymnastic and I wanna be one... huaks and she's sweet... I'm exaggerating now, aren't I? huaks... Fantasizing that u're someone else can be interesting but being urself is even more exciting... haha... Well, only sometimes... hehehe...

Well, i should stop talking abt this right now and get on to the next topic or next thing im gonna do...

->Just be urself no matter what...

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
1:24 PM

A day out

First of all, Thank you!! Thank you!! Salute u ppl who read finish my posts so0 far... Thank you! Thank you!!... Hehehe... I know it's long... well, what the heck!! Lots of things happen in one day... Isn't it wonderful??... Well, go0d or bad things happen in a day won't repeat the exact the next day... huaks... You might miss something there....

I jst got back from JB and it was co0l... It was raining and I got some PEACE of mind... I got to meet cousins that i never really meet often and they are cuties...Funny and cute... huaks... Well, kinah was there and we had some girl talks and stuff... o0h well, let's see... From what i can accumulate, when a person said he/she wants to be alone actually means he/she needs someONE... hmm.... For me, I'd say i'm always alone and it doesn't seems to make any different... Does it? o0oo0o0o well...

Actually we got home from JB at 2.20pm... We got back home alone w/o my dad assiting us which was adventurous... Then we change clothes and stuff and went off to Bugis Street to buy some stuff... New year's coming, New Me approaching... (i'm still the same.. u'll c whats new...) I bought some clothes at this shop at level two and the manager was so0 co0l and entertaining. I was feeling the service man! He was introducing sm stuf to me and elaborate more on the stuff info... I was impressed... he also mentions abt the lo0ks for this type of clothes n stuff... He said I lo0k co0l and black is the perfect colour for me followed by brown (dark brown that is)... I was extremely surprised when he said the jacket i was wearing suits me... He stated that i should hv worn something heels or what n i even told him i jst bought it and he applauded to me seh!! He said that I know how to carry myself or something like dat... What surprised me most was he called me Hip Hop... Clueless.. gez the stuff i wear lo0ks like hip hop... hmm... I'm not really into hip hop though... but I wanna be flexible so0... We'll see... huaks...

"walking dwn the street
using our own two feet
lo0king up the sky,gazing at e lie so0 brite
cloudz passing by, hw i wish i cld drive
with a vehicle dat put us smile
whr is my prince?
up n dwn the hill i go to find him...
searching hi n loe for u"

We walked from bugis to clarke quay and happened to walk round and round. Before that we stopped by G & B Comic store just to check if the store still exist, seems like it is... hehehe... Then we stopped by the grand place connected to Raffles' Hotel. For the first time, we actually walked inside the grand place and we were speechless. It was so0 damn and jaw dropping!! I was imagining that I was some place else other than Singapore! It feels like Paris or London or wherever somehow... It was so0 beautiful that we were overly excited abt the whole thing... Ja-kun!!

We walked and walked and seems to lost our way, however, our feet just showed us the way and it was awesome... As we walked I came acros some chinese building and Kinah was like we're in Chinatown or China... Then I continued that, seems like Singapore is a huge place that we can hv Malaysia, China, India, Paris, London, New York wherever... all in one small country... Interesting!... As we walked at the Singapore River, she said that she felt as if we're in Venice... Co0l!!

We walked into Clarke Quay and found ourselves watching a performance from different performer of different countries... We hv dancers from Brazil and a band from New York called Radio Mundial...The Brazilians performance was great but the dance could hv been more interesting if they don't repeat the whole 1 routine for the 5 to ten minutes w/o any special rountine in the middle... It's not that I am professional in this stuff... But it's jst my opinion... huaks... The band was great I bought their Album n got their autograph as well as pix... hehe... They're co0l and their music was out of my comfort zone for sure... I love Rock and anything to do with rock... N fashion is flexible... I don't need to lo0k like Avril to prove i love rock... I can dress like Beyonce or Eminem, still listening to rock... hahaha.... The night was fun.. Enjoyed it very much...

Well, smtms I envied those couples... Spending wonderful times together... At the smtm, I wonder the emptiness around... How I wish Spiderman wouldn't hv to be Spiderman ALL the time... I want Peter Parker to0 y'know!!.... It's so0 damn frustrating to share a person with the rest of the ppl in town!... I'm still wondering how I could survive this far... hmm....

->Nothing is Impossible cuz I M Possible... (my classmate told me this)So0 Believe!!!

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
2:30 AM

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Rain

It's raining heavily today. Seems like the monso0n season's here to stay for a few days perhaps. hmm... Damn! This is bad bad news for me. Even if it's raining heavily, no time off for me leh!! Worst still, i'll be working in the rain instead. Why do tourist or whoever come In tHe RaIn for musical fountain?? If it's drizzling, i don't mind but this is hEaVy rAiN...

o0h well, can't blame them either. At first it was just drizzling and the rain became heavier and heavier that we were totally wet even with raincoats on. Guess what? It's a really bright yellow, new cheezy raincoat that i wear. Not to mention it's an L size!! Imagine me wearing that? I feel like a YeLloWteddy BeAR... That's one of the names of collection we have... There are other names being called to0... I go0fed arnd and acted smthing really silly and it was like apEnGuiN... Pretty much reminds me of secondary scho0l...(Peeps, if u're reading this... y'know who i meant...)That wAs N0t the end... My friend, Rakinah, came by and saw whatever happens there and commented on us... She said we're someBANANAS go0fing arnd... Of all the thingsBaNaNaS?? TeDDy BeAr and PeNGuiN are acceptable.. ButBananas?>?I didn't know fruits do0 walk and go0f.. I don't have L0o0oNg HeAd like the bananas in pajamas... Other than that we also lo0ks like chicks... Damn! I feel like cheese man! haha...

The heavy rain however doesn't even make me want to stay out. I keep hving the urge to just to be out in the open space and let the rain pour onto me. I feel alive when the droplets splashes on my face. It's so0 ReFreSHiNg!!! It's still raining and I feel like going out there just to play in the rain... I love rain, rain and rain...

Rain come splashing down

Gives me the feel of joy

How I wish the rain never stops

Never would I want it to be over

To0 bad I'm not the only one here

The other wants sunshine

Bright and sunny

And I want raining

Cold and freezing

Blanket keeps me warm

Teddy makes me feel comfortable

Peaceful I can feel

Crashing sound of the water

Thunder and storm, seen and heard

Fear ticks by with the piercing noise

It will all be over so0ner or later

Remember this moment, it comes once in all ur years

->The co0lness is all YoU NeED

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
2:20 AM

Monday, December 18, 2006

It's Monday

It's monday already?? Time fly by so0 fast that I didn't realise it...

Monday morning came to0 so0n
I think about you now laying in my ro0m...

That's moffatts song (Until you love me).. Well, i jst wanted to pointed out that Monday morning came to0 so0n... arghh!! Then the second verse something like Friday always on my mind I watch the rain come down think of how you shine... Bla bla bla... Colours... How i wish my mac have this extra to0l appeared...

o0h Well! How's the weekends been peeps? I can tell ya that it was an awesome weekend... Told ya that i watched a Disney Movie yesterday and it was not a Regret that I stayed home instead of working...

The movie is about a girl who wrote her journal in the computer and accidentally sent it to the teacher for a composition competition. She won the contest and guess what, she got to published it nationally... Humiliating! and somehow it's fun!!... First, ppl thinks it was fictional stuff.. But she lost control of herself and IS (an imaginary self of her) that she told the truth... Bla bla bla...

I like about the movie one, it's an awesome teens movie and two the actors are o0h well, charming!.. haha... 0ohky, it's about friendship, self development as well as love. I cried watching it though.. (cry baby). She became popular and deserted her friends, her guy friend (connor)loves her but she didn't notice him.. How sad!! Well, instead of being the girl I might just relate myself as the life of that guy... Then again, as always, girls loves/likes the charming, handsome, silly guy in scho0l... She got him as the date but found out the truth.. It's kind of saddening.. Moral of the story for me here, never go for some idiotic go0d-lo0king guys... Wonder if Chad Michael Murray true colour would be one colour? erk, i'll be dead if he finds out i wrote his name here... What the heck?! He's a star!! His name is ALL OVER THE WORLD!!!...

Sometimes I wish someone would do wonderful things for me because of l0vE.. Dream on and on...!! Do fairy tale love do exist in this reality? Don't mind me, even if i hv 5 ex.. I've never experience anything like those author wrote abt l0vE ; you'll know it's love when you feel like flying, singing, dancing despite of the world of destruction, pain and sufferings... you'll know it's love when it doesn't hurt to smile or cry... You'll know it's love when you feel something special and nothing can explained... bla bla bla..

Well, although I may sound hopeless.. But I know... There is Someone for me... Spiderman.. heheh... o0hky, realisticly.. I know there is Someone ReAl for me.. I do believe in miracles and I do believe in Fairy Tales... I do believe in whatever that wasn't real and that's toTalLy real...

->Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing...

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
1:38 PM

Sunday, December 17, 2006

This is so0 frustrating

I know i did say YEY, i'm not working today.. But It's damn freakingly boring!!! It's raining but not so0 heavy rain(boring!)... I wonder how's the weather in Sentosa... Hmm... Well, if not b'cuz of the Disney Movie, i'd be at work instead... o0h well...

Anywayz, I love Linkin Park but most people said that they are sux.. Well, i believe not... i love them b'cuz of their talents, music and interaction/communication with the fans... o0h yeah! Hell yeah they are co0l!!.. One more thing, they're music has taken me one step closer towards the meaning of life... Their music have helped me get through extremely rough, painful and clueless situation in my life and still continues to put a smile on my face... From their first album I love almost all of the tracks and it reflects alot what's happening in my life... let me share with you Forgotten...

From the top to the bottom
Bottom to top I stop
At the core I've forgotten
In the middle of my thoughts
Taken far from my safety
The picture is there
The memory won't escape me
But why should I care
There's a place so dark you can't see the end
(Skies cock back) and shock that which can't defend
The rain then sends dripping acidic questions
Forcefully, the power of suggestion
Then with the eyes tightly shut looking thought the rust and rotten dust
A spot of light floods the floor
And pours over the rusted world of pretend
The eyes ease open and its dark again
Chorus
Bridge:
In the memory you'll find me
Eyes burning up
The darkness holding me tightly
Until the sun rises up
Moving all around
Screaming of the ups and downs
Pollution manifested in perpetual sound
The wheels go round and the sunset creeps past the
Street lamps, chain-link, and concrete
A little piece of paper with a picture drawn
Floats on down the street till the wind is gone
The memory now is like the picture was then
When the paper's crumpled up it can't be perfect again
chorus
bridge
Now you got me caught in the act
You bring the thought back
I'm telling you that
I see it right through you

I got to tell ya something, i may not understand what EXACTLY Linkin Park refers this song to0 but from what I understand from it may be different... Different people lo0k at things different way.. so0 here:-

This songs somehow shows angust, disappointment and hatred.. Felt betrayed and helpless cuz somehow something is so0 close (attached) and there's no escape from the past... Everyone will be asking even when they knew or not at the present time between that connection... It's so0 painful cuz it's so0 near and yet so0 far.. However, nothing can be undone and it haunts just every single moment u're trying to get away... It is scary and the fear would comes by from someone else either related or not... Trying to forget but it jst keeps coming back and the pain and suffering was being felt again... It's hard to say that it's simply what everyone might go through same/similar thingy... However, life is full of misery...

A little piece of paper with a picture drawn
Floats on down the street till the wind is gone
The memory now is like the picture was then
When the paper's crumpled up it can't be perfect again :- for example, the picture is me.. life goes on following the wind.. WhatEVER happens during the journey, nothing can be done to change it.. (may it be go0d or bad)

Life is so0 unfair, Life is so0 cruel.. But is it true that life is real?

-> Truth will be told

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
6:35 PM

I can't sleep

Bo0 Yah!!... Amciam? Baik? Alright? Go0d? Excellent.... hahaha

Well, I could not sleep and I think I made a mistake over here... I posted the same post three times... Well, I'm gonna fix that on monday... Why? I'm using macintosh so0 there's some difficulty here and there...

Anywayz, have you ever felt something flying around you? Have you ever encounter such incident that you could never explain but the answer were just right infront of you? hmm.... I'm not saying that I've encountered of such things or feel anything... Neither did i say that i didn't... I was just wondering what exactly it meant...

I wanted to0 but I'm not sure if it's the right decision. I can say that i'm a risk taker and I'd jst do what i feel like doing although i know it's disapprove off... Sometimes I wonder why I do such things and sometimes I wonder why I never do0... However, this time around it feels so0 different... I am not scared to lift my legs n walk on by but what i'm most afraid of is whether the road will be straight or will it be a dead end... Y'know like a blind man walking.... (Blind man is never blind)

I've been thinking about it and come to a conclusion, you will never know where the road leads until u've taken it. Better off to follow my heart and go with it... If it ever happens that it doesn't go with what I would think it will, I will have no regrets cuz I knew ive taken it and it just nvr go my way... In fact, there are alot of ways/opportunities and all the stuff in this world...

People made mistake and learn from it... Sometimes, they made it more than once until they realise it.. It all depends on each individual, whether they want things to be this way or that way... Bottom line, it's ur own choice... I am thankful that some people make me realize there are more to it...

'Don't judge a bo0k by it's cover' is one of the similies that i like to use in those days... Another one that i learn is that you'll never know a person thoroughly in a lifetime... Well, this may apply to human being, animals, or even a country...

It's quite upsetting that the Ferry Terminal is going to be demolished... :'(

-> Believe in yourself and you can change your own fate...

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
5:45 PM

Go0d Morning

The night is over here comes the day...
I wish for some breakfast but nothing is on the table
My fat ass growing bigger and damn! I'm growing fatter...
Let see, what abt some cereal instead of nasi?... ahahaha

Go0d Morning!!
Yeye!! I'm not working today... Hehehe... Aiyo0o0o0o, no money comes in arr... But erm, at least i can watch disney movie... hehe... hmm... So0 what do you think? hahah

Hey, what would you do when you feel like killing yourself? What would you do when you just can't take it and feel like blowing up things? hmm... Well, I'd say that I'll kill myself with a bombastic sound system playing LINKIN PARK music!!! (or anything that's Rock/Alternative/Punkrock.. IF only i hv such soundsystem with sound proof building or ro0m... ) Sometimes i feel the urge to break lo0se, take the knife and hurt myself but that's totally not go0d and wrong. In order to co0l myself, I went out alone or with friends (mostly alone cuz usually last minute) and watch a movie... Other than that, i'd sing my lungs out and party with myself.. hahaha... But the best thing, i'd do something silly provided if i hv cash... hmm... What do u think? Well, i'll co0k my own recipe. haha.. Most of the time it fails... but a few times i hv it tasty and (im getting hungry) go0d... hahaha... I'm not praising myself but i was the one who ate it so0... yeah! I score myself... hehehe...

Do u talk to urself when u're lonely? I do! I always talked to myself when I'm lonely... Hmm, i enjoy talking to myself cuz it's fun and silly... I got some faces from others when they saw me talking to myself... I even being called 'Crazy' for that... Well, there are other reason why I'm being called crazy... ahaha.... Not only that, sm ppl thinks I hv sixth sense... Co0l... I don't but I do talk to myself and i don't care what people think abt it... Some people say that when a person talks to themself they are lonly and needed help... For me, I'm not lonely... I don't need help.. It's my hobby... So0 don't try and stick ur nose into my business... hahaha...

hey r u watching CRIB, now? I am.. n damn! I'm so0 jealous with these popstar peeps... I wanna my own house!! I wanna my own ro0m my own tv, my own computer... I wanna my own everything... Even my own Spiderman! Gosh! I gotta admit it, I stole Peter Parker after Mary Jane was known as dead! (but she isn't... she lost her memmory... haha... i jst made that up) I know Peter Parker still loves Mary Jane even after having 5 children with him... bo0 ho0 ho0... o0h well! I love Spiderman, got a few of his collections and some are my presents from my parents and friends... Co0l!! Thanks peeps... Muacks... Whatever it is, Spiderman (Peter Parker) is mine!!! HAHAHA.... Reality check: I'm single (over a year) and have no Spiderman of my own... hmm... I wonder who... Myabe Chad Michael Murray would just come by and 'Hey there, wanna date?'... hahaha...

Talking abt dating... Do u believe me even when i hv 5 exs, i don't really hv a romantic, interesting, memorable date? Well believe me not, it's true... However, i'd say that i enjoyed one particular date that was unplanned, spontaneous and smo0th... It wasn't awkward and unusual... I don't really feel embarrassed even when i did embarrassed myself (as i always do) and it was very comfortable as well as there were alot of talking than silence(which i usually hv previously)... And I dnt feel any discomfiture (which also i have previously) which is Awesome!!... I'd say, that night was a wonderful, unforgettable and co0l night... hmm... haha...

"I wonder if i ever hv that night again in the future..." *wondering*...Maybe with Chad this time... huaks... On a ro0ftop of a building, hving candle light dinner with some music... and just lo0k through the world that's arnd... wo0w! Romantic,sentimental- nya... huaks... Well, that'll be just a dream that i can just imagine... erm... hahaha...

->Dreams are possible to come true... will it?

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
11:34 AM

Introduction

Heylo0 peeps... First of all, Irrashaimase!!

The last two posts are just nothing so0 hehe... Anywayz, this is my introduction. I am Haimin for short. You wouldn't want to know my longest name ever. One reason, to0 long... Two, I dislike to answer some of the question. N i wont drag abt how i get the name which I like to talk abt it anywayz... Mybe I should, it's an introduction...

My name originally Nur Muhaimin, that was before i was born. Yep, Almost EVERYONE (includes the doctor) thinks I'm a boy. Nur Muhaimin = Light of Responsibility. I like that... However, Muhaimin usually is perfect for a boy's name. I was born the eve of Hari Raya Haji to be exact but i usually celebrates it on Hari Raya Haji itself. My mom didn't want my name to change but my dad insisted... I forgot what was the name my dad was about to give. I can say it's TOOOO girlish for me to even remember it. However, my dad remembers the festive and my name was after Hajar Aswad, a fragrance rock found at one of the side of the Kaabah. Therefore my name is Nur Hajar Muhaimin=Light of Responsibility Rock.

The history of my name does not end there. People call me Hajar since that day. Common question i get, ' When did you go to Haji?' and 'If you go to Haj, what would ppl call you, Hajjah Hajar?' I got alot of teased with that name.. I thought It would be different as i grew up.. But no... even up to 18 years old when after I change to Haimin people stcll asked the same question... How irritating!

Haimin is part of MuHAIMIN... I jst cancelled the Mu... Pople thinks im a chinese but hey, its jst a short name.. ehehe... If i were to say Muhaimin, people would have doubt that i'm a girl. You don't wanna know what i'm thinking right now... HAHA!! I am naturally a girl.. Tulen babe!!!

I won't denied that people would call me 'boy'... I was rugrat last time.. since i was young, tomboy perhaps but NO BUTCH eh.. I love guys... y'know what i mean... yeah.. so0, i hurt myself alot, i bullied kids and i'm rebellious... Wo0ow!! I'm the black sheep of the family... I can't imagine how hard my parents to0k care of me.. I can actually see some of my 'behaviour' in my nephews & niece behaviour... Damn! I was bad!! Erm.. never did i mentioned I was go0d...

Talking abt my names takes almost like the whole composition that I can pass it to my secondary scho0l teacher... haha... This is an introduction... Introduction starts with a name. hehe...

Enough with the name.. Here's my age.. I'm 18 yrs old and 25th of july 1988 is the date i was born.. And It's on Monday!.. No wonder its a Monday Blues for me... I jst born in this owlr and I need the time to see the world!! haha...

I am the youngest of three siblings.. My bro (Noriman) is the eldest and my sis (Nur Mu'min) si the second... Believe me their name is all that... Short isn't it?.. yeah.. Well, Talking abt short... I also known as Shorty, i'm short 1.51m... Yikes!! How can I grow any taller? hmm...

I love music, movies, sports, Japanese Anime and Carto0ns... I sing alot dance alot and jump around alot... hahaha... But i don't sound go0d alot... haiz... How i wish...!! I love to play soccer, netball,captain's ball, basketball and I definitely wants to learn how to play rugby... I love fighting and yeah i do fight alot but i tried not to get out of controlled n hurt alot more ppl... Jean-Claude Van Damme is my Idol for fighting... Well, There's Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Jet Li to0... Donnie Yen... Was it him the one acted in Dragon Tiger Gate?.. hmm.. Yeah thats him...

Well, when i'm sad, i sing n dance; when i'm happy, i sing and dance; when i'm nervous, i sing and dance and well, i sing and dance... hahaha... Sometimes i'd say that I jst sing adn dance whatever Im feeling...

O0hky I should stop with the introduction already... I might be the next author if i go on... hahaha... See ya on next post... Comment/ tag me.. yeah!!

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
4:30 AM

Today, not so0 go0d...

Bo0-Yah!

I just got home from work and I'm tired which as you peeps know that's not true coz i won't be here if i were to be tired... Hahaha... Yeah thats true... huaks... I'm not that tired though....

Today started off not so0 fine. Or should I say not fine at all... I jst don't know why she kept exasperating about them. I mean, get it out!! Chill.. Aren't I someone to0. It's so0 frustrating that you weren't being valued for anything at all. No matter it's the go0d things u've done or the best thing that u've achieved. In conclusion, Fuck education! Fuck ur talent! Fuck whatever shit.. In all, you're just nothing!!.... I don't understand one thing... They say they want it this way but they meant the other way but actually the way that they said was totally upside down inside out... o0h! This is troublesome... Like what my lec said, it's how you lo0k at things in different ways... Hmm...

Before work I went to Bugis and I did some shopping :D... At work, it was fun! There were some handicaps children coming in at the last minute and I was very touched and somehow i feel like being the emcee of the day just for them... hahaha... Erk!! Y'know, i feel like hugging each one of them... If i were so0 rich, i would put money for the charity... (Well, i will!...)

Sometimes I feel so0 fortunate for what i am n what i hv but at times, I feel so0 disgrace of myself and I do not deserve what I have... Then again, things are meant to be that way ;)

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
1:12 AM

Saturday, December 16, 2006

helo0o0

bo0 yah

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
11:46 AM

Friday, December 15, 2006

hahaha...Welcome...Irrashaimase

Heylo0 Everyone,

It is a pleasure for me to write all the dumb2, lame2, lousy posts here... Hope you enjoy reading the so0 unfunny, so0 unnatural and so0 unrealistic events of days, weeks, months and probably years...

This is the first post... Test2... Testing... o0hky... I'll get back to the next post in a few hours....

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
2:10 PM