Wednesday, February 28, 2007

New Lo0k

For the past two days i've been changing both my blogskin as well as 'myspace' skin. It's really fun!! At least, now I know how to change this and that... How to do this and that... hehehe... If not, Yasmin, Qin, Sarah, Kinah and some of those people who are patience would have to help me. THANK YOU ALL ...

I believe this blogskin is much easier for the readers to read my posts. Even easier for me... hahaha... Benefits for the writer and benefit to those taking time reading this.

Even so0, I'm still stuck with no pix to upload. Nevermind, that will be solved so0n. ;)Anywayz, I've been searching for names that can replaced Royal Flamboyance. The closest that I can get to is Extravagant Bliss... Now I'm thinking more to.. Extravagant Blissful Girl(EBG)... Hmm... What do you think?

HEy, I jst want to test.. Since I can't really upload the pics I wonder if I can insert this pic...

Myspace Layouts

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
3:56 PM

Monday, February 26, 2007

Some clear air

Well, as of today I know the truth which i've been longing to know. Some people are go0d at hiding somethings and channeled all the faults towards the other somebody being involved. What a pity? Some people just hide somethings as to cover some misunderstanding towards another person being involved which overall end up to misunderstanding. However, if i weren't being told i guess that I might be having wrong thoughts towards some of those innocents.

You can never runaway from your problems as long as you know how to manage it. That's what I learnt from scho0l and life. I learn alot of things today. I can't really name it all but I know I do learn something new. Never fear of growing up and don't be to0 friendly to those predators. :D Strangers are friends that haven't met yet but still know those strangers before getting close to0 them... get what i mean? ;)

Setting my priorities straight and focusing going towards my dreams are the other things. I'm glad that all the truth is out and there are no more doubts. I understand much clearer now why this and that. I am the kind of person that you should tell me. All i want is the truth... I'm co0l with it. If it hurts if it's for the go0d, I'm all about the truth. :D I know where I stand. I'm more aware of somethings that I should have been aware off last time.. I'm no longer the girl that some people might know me off... Know me is to talk to me..

I cannot fear! Past may haunt me now and then but I should by pass it with as little conflict as I can handle. I am stronger that I can remember how weak I was. I can be abit fragile now and then but then again, I am ME! :D I have to face the facts and I cannot fear that. Managing and sustaining myself upon problems and problems that comes. Setting myself straight and being clear with life. :D

-->Telling the truth is all you need to clear off the air... :D

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
11:04 PM

Monday, February 19, 2007

:( :D

To0 many sorrows, to0 many hurts. For once I've believed that someone had made my buddy happy. I was certain. I was happy and overjoyed by it as I can see the face lights up when he appears. Unfortunately it drews away. It crashed. How awful, how cruel. Life is full of surprises. Colours and Black they say. Smile and tears we make.

Sometimes I wonder why it appear and being snatched away at the next second. Sometimes I wonder why didn't the hurt also disappear like that. Everything happens for a reason. Anything can happen. We can make it happen when we are sure. We'll have everything that we want provided WORKING HARD in it. 'You can never have everything in life'... Life is not perfect, then again... Do you feel fortunate with what you have? Do you deserve everything that you're having now? Well, sometimes it's a substitution and it is as equally as it is. Never doubt, never be unsure. If you are doing something, make it clear. :D The pain will shed off, the tears will stop and laughters will be heard. Just like the rainbow comes after the sun when the rain has stopped...

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
8:51 AM

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Great! Just great!

What a day?! I was already late for work and I was rushing in. The day was warm and quite shining (i've become slightly darker than yesterday) ... To my surprise, I lost my i/c and staff pass. It slipped off from my back pocket. Well, i put it in one plastic wallet of something like that... huaks... so0 yeah, I lost it... hmm... Made a police report just now though. Hopefully that no one mis-used it. Or even better, it is lost and never been found by anyone.

For a moment, I was certain that I will get those things back. However, never been found. I was a bit nervous but I'm not that scared. Maybe to0 many things happened that I just couldn't be bothered. Then again, I wasn't the only one that has lost something. My colleague to0 had lost his wallet on the way to work in the bus. Freaky!! Well, lo0k on the bright side... I got to take a better picture and make a new i/c :D eheks... But then, $100 to be invested... Erm, i hv to pay $50 for the staff pass.. or $10.50... Which one? Not sure... I hope it's $10.50 arr... huaks..

Today was quite a blur. Probably the heat, the incident that I lost my i/c or it's just me. Hmm... Whatever it is, it's over and tomorrow is another day. A new brand day for me to be spending the time... :D Can't wait to know how it's gonna end... For now, i should be going to bed.. so0 go0d nitey...

-->Smile

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
2:45 AM

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Lost and being found

There was a girl who was lonely and lost. She lives in fear. She lives in darkness. She has family and she has friends that care for her. She knew it all but something was missing and something she ought to know.

One day, a guy came into her life. She fell in love without any doubts. He was not as handsome as she would think he'd be, but her heart just fell for him. She knew he was way out of her league. Every time she's with him, it's a totally different feeling. They play catched, they teased each other. That's the first time that she ever felt love. However, everything came tumbling down when she had to move to another town. They lost contact and she knew that's the end. If she has one wish, she could have wish that she will never move and be near to him. She knew that's the last time that she'll wish upon a star every nigth outside her window.

A new town, a home and a whole lot of new friends. She was a shy girl and she's a girl whom didn't actually go out and make new friends at the new town called the new home. She left inside her ro0m, crying and wishing that this could be undone.

Neighbours welcomed them with warm enthusiasm. She realised that all her neighbours are all males. No females, just like the atmosphere she had in the previous town. That somehow gets her comfortable with something. It does feel like home.

She got to know her neighbour whom the same age as her. He was funny, irritating and a smart aleck. He did make her smile at times. He's warmth to be friends with. At least she has a friend to play with. His birthday was the same birthday as the guy she loved. She's still love the guy from the old town. She never gets anyone else to get in the way. Even when she knew that she could not, could never get him. However, this new friend of her made her kept thinking about the old town guy. She always dreamt of him, she wished that she would bump onto him. Never did it happen. Not even once. Suddenly one day, her new friend blurted out that he love her. She was stunned! She laughed her hearts out. She didn't believe him and she didn't like him. She still loves that guy from the old town. She can still remember the time they spent together.

Years past and she finally got over the old town guy. She met someone new in her new High Scho0l. She like her classmate, it's just a crush. However, she met with someone she never thought she could meet. Her long lost friend whom they met since they're in their mother tummies. He became her best friend since. What she didn't know, he likes her then to0. They were best friends, she told him that she likes another guy and she don't want him to tell. She just dreams about and fly about her imagination.

A year later, she and her classmate that she likes attached within a game. For 6 months they're together, then she knew that they're both aren't meant for one another as the old town guy still lingers in the atmosphere. However, she's happy that he's her first boyfriend and glad that they had their try in BGR with each other. A mistake? Maybe... But it's all go0d and they became friends. Then again, her other friends would tease them but sometimes they would get really pissed and embarrassed. She knew it's all jokes.

5 months had past and somehow she felt weird. One evening, her new friend blurted out the question. At that moment, 'why not I give myself a chance and accept him?' she asked herself. Although the heart was still with the old town guy, life has to move on. So0, she came to a conclusion and accepted his love.

She didn't know that her decision would be such a huge mistake. His kisses was sweet, his touched was romantic. He began to do the stuff way out of her imagination. She was weak. She was lost. All she could do was just lay lifelessly and let nature take its course. It was a sin. She knew it was. He's to0 strong and he knows how to bring her down and take her in his control. She was poisoned by his attractions. She to0k it as love.

She knew she had done it. She cannot undo it. She cannot face the world. Fear invade her world, darkness she's living in. Darker than she already is. She's scared. She's afraid. She couldn't tell, she couldn't speak. She's a prisoner! She's just a toy for his little secret game.

She began to cry every single night. She could not see what's her future holds. She knew she has to save herself. She knew she has to run. She knew she had to do something right. She broke the ties and lives her life. Her heart wasn't with him. Her heart was still with the old town guy. However, she was in messed. She's confused. Old town guy didn't save her life, her youth. Why should she be thinking about him? Why should she loving him?

And so0, she moved on a little but she's under the spell of that cruel animal. At her worst state, he knew what he should do. Saying,’ I love you' she will come back to him. Without a doubt she said yes. She saw some changes but not for long. He's hunger was too huge. She fed him again knowing she was being fo0led. She began to realise she is the prisoner like always. She knew it and she hates it. Her heart became cold. Her heart became hard. She played along and knew another guy. She got along well with another guy and is with him while she was with the animal. There wasn't any feeling triggers like the one she had with the old town guy but she was in messed what do you expect?

So0n, that animal threw her away. She didn't even care, she was relief. She's then with another guy. She just says it for the sake of keeping her loneliness filled. She hoped that he would change her. She hoped that he's different but to0 her surprise, he was as equal as that animal. She was hurt. She's depressed. She hates 'love' or should it have been lust. Nevertheless, she never gave a chance to do that wrong thing again. They broke off and never see each other again.

Others came to her life; she was still wondering where has love gone from her life. She didn't have the slightest feeling of love to anyone. She feared. She scared. She didn't want anyone to know her darkest secret. She felt unfair. She felt dirty. Even how many times she told herself that's her past but the scar is still there to haunt. If only she could turn back time, she would go back to the time she met with the old town guy.

Another came and another, one by one she turned down and finally accept one. She thought he could be different and change her heart. Giving herself a chance and giving him a chance to love her. What hurts her the most when he broke up with her 48 hours later. She was pissed and knew guys are shit! She began to wonder if she ever falls in love again. Asking him to think about what's he's doing didn't really expect him to stick with the relationship. She realised that her hurt and her doubts could not outdone the present. She broke up with him and that's the end.

She began to start a new. Giving herself a chance to live with happiness along with some light that shines. Avoid her past and live on with what's around. The old town guy was never met but his sister became her chatmate. She never got to talk to that guy. She didn't bother as she began to suffer from a disease that occurs: the life of a broken home. Her love life was being put aside. She didn't even bother to know or to mend to become better. Her mouth whines. Her heart longs. Her life's at stake, she knew she has to go on. She didn't know that the broken home have made something out of her. Black!

She began to be an adult. She came to a place. She met a guy and out of a sudden it just happened. She felt disgraced. Not once but twice. For fun, yeah it was. Broken heart, broken home. What have she become? A monster that is. Thought that was the end. She got over it quite quickly but pain, was to0 enormous to fade it.

Her friend brought her o meet his friend. He likes her, she like him. What she didn't know, he was the wolf and she's the victim. He was drunk and he needed her. He brought her to a hotel for the night. He went to sleep and she sat beside him. He to0k her off guard and grabbed her still. He was strong. She pushed him with all her strength. She couldn't scream. She couldn't move. He trapped her. Her heart's crying out. Her mouth was sealed. He's the worst predator she put up with. She was raped. She didn't tell anyone. She ran away and cried. She didn't know what to do0. She felt that it's her mistake. She shouldn't have helped him. 'Why does everyone keeps hurting me?' She wasn't aware of anything. She's to0 weak. Her parents didn't know. Her friends didn't know. She wanted to say it out but she's to0 ashamed of it. She picked up the phone and dials '9' "Stupid girl! You can't have him charge. Your parents? Your family? Your grandfather....' She hung up and cries. She lives in fear.

Then life goes on, all what had happened made her stronger, made her realise that guys to0k her for granted. She wishes not to ever fall in love. She wishes that the next love will be her husband and forever the love will last. She was very certain and indeed she will hold on to the decision. Even soo0, it doesn't hurt to know guys and lo0k at them.

She met with a guy that she knew from her primary scho0l. He was indeed different from what she could remember. What brought them meet each other, was her scho0l project. She lo0ked at him as someone that would help her with the project. Probably he lo0ked at her as someone that he can get to know. He's younger than her, matured and amiable. An interesting guy indeed. Though he's younger, he doesn't lo0k like someone of his age. She to0 was deceived by it.

Her scho0l project, get them on a date. She was fine with it. Getting to know someone was not a problem to her. It was just a date. So0, they talked and talked and laughed and joked. That night was a full mo0n. A beautiful night indeed. She smiled and said,'it's a beautiful night. What time is it?' He said the time and continued with,'I should've been in bed.' They laughed and she to0 was tired but she sleeps very late. The night ended with a hug. She felt strange and ignored it.

They contacted still. Like always, like everyone else she treated him. She asked if he wants to watch a movie. She didn't care if he wants to bring his friends along cause that time her friends were all busy and she just needs a company to be watching with. He decided to be a date. To her surprise, he said out as if there weren't anything wrong with it. From her past relationship experiences, the guys have troubles about dating. She realised that she never dated her ex; she just went out with them. Her mind said that, 'this guy is full of surprises'.

All of a sudden she felt really weird and uncomfortable. She was excited but she began to feel strange. As if there's something wrong. As if it was a mistake. However, she knew that she's lo0king forward to the date. She was very curious of how date really goes. From her imagination, she knew that could never happen. She was eager to know if dating in reality would give the same feeling of happiness like in the fantasy. She wasn't really aware why she went through quite a trouble to get ready for the date. She wasn't quite sure but all she knew, she wanted to lo0k her best.

The date went on and she had a great fun. She makes a fo0l out of herself at some point but it didn't matter to her. She didn't care cause he didn't show any sign of 'what's with you?' They communicated well. She was content about it and somehow she knew that's the end. At the end of the day, she couldn't sleep as she has this uneasy feeling that she couldn't figure out. She tried and tried to think about what might have caused it. She searched and digs into anything that she can find to get the answer. Unfortunately, she couldn't find anything. She was clueless. She was feeling miserable. She didn't feel like eating, sleeping or even joking around.

She went back to the place where they dated with her best friend. That's when she talked it all out with her best friend. Her best fried lo0ked at her and smile. At that moment, she knew why. She didn't want to say it but somehow in her heart was screaming with joy. It's as if a bird that have been kept in the cage being freed and fly off for its freedom. At that moment, she knew she has fallen in love again. For the second time. It was a moment of joy. A chance for her to love again.

Time has passed, patience she holds. She knew that it has ended. The dating thing has gone. He didn't feel the same way as she does. She didn't even feel abit hurt by it but guilty. It's not his fault. "It's my fault to have fallen for him" she said. He was surprised cause they went out only once. She was to0. She could not answer why but she didn't expect to fall in love with him. She apologised to him, as she have accidentally liked him. She confronted him when another guy began to like her and show his feelings towards her. She didn't want to hurt that guy for another guy has stolen her heart. She didn't want to live with a lie. If it's this hard, she would go for neither.

They say go for the one who likes you. Then where does 'love' go? If she sacrifices her love for sympathy and healing of the hurt, she would forever feel guilty. It needs two hands to clap. If this is how it's going to be, she would rather be alone and wait for any possibility. For once, she is fortunate to have met that guy. He overturns everything when he just only says hi. A smile makes someone's day and his smile have made someone's life pure. For he, has made the girl's life a wonderful world and has given her a second chance. He may not have the power but he may be a sign that HE sent for her.

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
4:00 AM

:D

I want to run and hide
I want to be somewhere else but here
I want to be anywhere
I want to be nowhere

It's creeping me
It's eating me
Where can I be?
Where I can live?

This fear
This tears
This everything
It stinks

Suffers, sorrows and despair, I feel
Happiness, joy and contentment, i longed for
I know it is a go0d feeling
But going through is a total sore

When will it come
When will it be
I will wait
As patiencely as it is

It'll pay off some day
I know it will
I'll be a smiling girl
Once i rest in peace

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
12:00 AM

Friday, February 16, 2007

Against all odds

Walking in the rain
Washing this pain
Wonder how I could be
Wonder how I would be
Life so0 cruel
Life so0 co0l
Which one is it i'm in
I want to know the truth
This hurt
This suffering
Clueless I am
Am i going insane?
Against it i'm going
Against it i'm crying
Bruising and bleeding
Sorrow and despair
I will go through this
I know, i dare!
Life is full of challenges
Full of obstacles
Patience, we need
In order to win
So0 keep those heads up high
And give every challenges a try
Against all odds
We are doing
Against all odds
We'll be winning
Keep that positivity
Throw that negativity
Life goes on, no matter what
So0 keep that spirit, up high!!

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
11:35 PM

Was a wonderful day!!

Wo0w!! What a w0nDERfuL day today!! Well, it started off QuiTe BaD. No msn, no bloggy and no fo0d! huh! No fo0d?! Yeah! That's totally true. However, it just gives me the idea to wALk from Wo0dlands to Yishun. I mean, I want to walk from Wo0dlands to Bedok someday... Why not start a short distant?! STaRT L0w like i always said.

And so0, Kinah and me went on walking from W0odlands all the way to Yishun! What's in our heads...? Only HE knows! The j0uRNeY goes and cRaZy stuff that we did. Motorist and Motrocyclist were watching us and we totally made quite a fo0L out of ourselves... Huaks.... Along the road, we ScReaMed like we're in the desert or deserted place. I can say, we are the two Sick-0z walking by the roadside surpasses everything...

What's the best part!! We walk our journey as if we're flipping through our lives (well, that's what I see it) We finally made it to Yishun and had our lunch there. Before we knew it, it was raining! Finally it is raining!! I want to be in the rain... Like they say, let the rain wash away the pain ... Yeah!! I'm in pain indeed. I believe in No PaiN, No GaiN .. It does really hurts me inside and eats me bit by bit from every, single little layer of my skin to flash to muscle to bones... However, it's the journey that counts...

So0 we walk back to Wo0dlands. A few meters, it started to rain heavily and if it's not because of my hp i would have just walk... However, I wrapped my hp with a plastic n a towel... So0 that'll keep it dry... So0 we went on and walk in the rain!... Yepee!!! It's damn FreEzinG Well, we are going AgAiNst aLL 0ddS and we will make it through no matter what! Along the way, i told Kinah STOP! I won't be miserable... Life goes on!! ... I wonder if i can ever do that? Lots of freaking questions going through my mind...

The rainny part, we're having even lots and lots of fun! We sing, we dance, we just went iNsAne There's motorcyclist HONKS at us! I hate that!! We're just doing what we feel like to do0... ChessY with the lightning. I don't care if i were to be struck by it... Anywayz, there's one part where we tried to jump like the Charlie Charplane and this one guy on his bike were like cycling at our path n we were blocking his way and he's like... erk... what's with this two?? Then when he crossed the road, he was stuck in the middle... I personally, thought that he's gone and at that point of time I feel like screaming... We screamed and for freaking me out, he lo0ked at us and laughed!! Huaks... I wonder what those people are thinking....

Well, I don't care! All I care right now, I had a wonderful day... And we went against all odds and we've achieved to be where we aimed to be... Unfortunately, the swing isn't there... Nevertheless... We had fun and the next stop would be me resting in peace... R.I.P

--> The journey of going against all odds to reach our aim...

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
11:00 PM

Feminine versus Rugged/Rugat

What is this about? This is about MOST guys... They only lo0k for the girls that are feminine.. We, the rugged/rugat type are being kicked aside!! One of my guy best fwen said that we are SCARY!!! What?! B'cuz we can do whatever they can do0? Afraid that they'll get beaten by us? Embarrassed by us? I totally don't understand this part... He said not like that but it's nice to see girls who are feminine.... What!!!

Do guys ever want to see girls do something other than co0king, serving them and stuff?? Hey, we have the same two hands and feet with a brain like those whom is feminine!!! I just don't understand why... The worst thing, they hear us... Liked us... When see us... They ran!! (more like see my freaking face) What the freaking hell!!

Feminine girls, yeah they're sweet... They're soft, they're gentle... They're beautiful... Rugged/Rugat... They're harsh... They're sporty... They're tough.... They're competitors.... They're ugly.... But still... They're girls!!! We are all girls.... so0, why do leave us behind?

You know, our deepest secret... We are as equal as the feminine girls... But we didn't show... Here is mine deepest secret, i am tough... But I am soft... Yeah! I've said it!! The one who are tough are those who are really soft... (You read this? That's me... When u gave me that lo0k... I was surprised... I didn't even realise that you knew... to0 bad... It's not even what it's meant to be... I'm sorry to have liked you... I'm way out of your league...)

Sometimes I wonder, should we change just to be liked and attracted? or should we change because it's something new? I realised that the reason I changed in the past year was to be liked and attracted. However, now i've changed not because I want to be liked or attracted but it is more than just that... I want to be happy with myself... I want to like myself... I want to be invisible and invincible with what's around...

Well, guys!! Open your eyes.... Feminine? Rugged? We're still girls... Btw, I did mentioned rugged/rugat... Not lesbian or butch!!... Excuse me... :D

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
1:55 AM

Ghost Rider

I watched Ghost Rider today!! Fulamak!!! Co0l lah Babe!!! Dash-Ink!! The fire... Well, y'know me... Fire is like my element... wo0w!! Power!! (You! Innocent...) huaks... Awesome!!! Totally co0l!... Hey, Pyro, Johnny (Fantastic four), Johnny (Ghost Rider) = all are fire!! Duh!!... Put aside Spiderman for awhile.. huaks.. But i can tell ya it's totally awesome, the effects... erm.. an awe... :D go on watch it

When you don't make choice, choice make you... Understand what it means? Well, I do... But it's hard to explain... For some how, put it this way... similar to go with the flow... What does a choice make you...? Lo0k in the mirror and say,' what have i've become? Is this what i want? Is this my choice? ' There you go0... Tips... the answer lies within...

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
12:07 AM

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Tears :'(

I jst watched 'Heart' , the movie which everyone is/was talking about. I didn't bother to watch when it first came out cause, it's romance and for sure i'll cry and it's not worth for ME to watch it. Then, i realised that my nephews whom only 4 to 5 years of age sang the soundtrack sound, i assumed they watched it. Yesterday, the 5 year old nephew (Norhan) kept talking abt the movie and sang the lyric and said that I can't borrow the cd. It was Valentine's Day yesterday, I thought of watching it but I changed it n watched Blo0dy Mary: Urban Legend. When their father got home, I asked if i can borrowed the 'Heart' . He was fine with it but not Norhan... huaks...

I watched it like 20 minutes ago and damn!! Flo0ded sia!!! o0hky, i want to conclude the first part... Do guys only attracted and fell for the feminine girls? Forgotten the ones they spent with and had a great time together? Guys totally have no idea abt how girls and i mean, ALL girls feelings... (o0hky, my bro jst got back and he's playing 'Heart'... hahaha)... Even we girls are clueless with guys... Love is a total complicated stuff... But then again, girls... We do hide our feelings really well... hahaha... Guys, even if they are as go0d as the detectives in CSI they can't pretty much solve what is inside our hearts... I won't argue if there are some of the guys who can solved the stuff in some of their girl's heart.. eheks...

Well, back to the story.. It's really a sadden that the love is sacrificial. hmm... A girl gave her heart to the girl whom the one she loved loves. She didn't even tell him that she loves him. But she told him that, 'when you love someone, tell that person that you love her'... hmm... yet, she never told him when he's infront of her... wo0w! Really interesting... However, she tried to tell him but it hurts to even say it when the smile pasted on his face with the other girl... o0uch!! I know how that feels...

She fights for her life. She ran and hurt herself. So0 much pain... She end her life as a present to him that she gave the heart to the other girl who was abt to die... Touching... I can't go o0n... My house is already flo0ding, I don't the whole Singapore to flo0d... :'(

What is there to hold?

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
2:42 PM

Unknowingly

A tale of a girl who went up the cliff
Riding her bicycle with a bouguet of flowes in the basket
She didn't know that she'll be up there
Follow her heart wherever it leads

She ended up at the cliff
High up above the sea
Lo0king down she began to freak
It's to0 high for her to jump and swim

She turned around and walked away
Stepped onto something and slipped
She fell off the cliff without something to save
Down into the river she went

She drowned in the current
Trying to help herself breathe
She was calm for a moment
But went down deep

The current was to0 strong
She was to0 weak
She drowned
And sinking deep

She's tired and let it be
Let herself sinking in
She's smiling as the light turns to darkness
She died slowly in the deep, deep river

Left her bicycle with the bouquet of flowers
Petals of flowers flew as the wind blows
Emptied as the day gone
No one knew she died unknowingly

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
12:26 AM

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Things

I sure need to change this blog skin of mine... Huaks.. o0o well, let's just see what's in store for me. Anywayz, I am happy, as happy as the sun shining the earth. Giving light and heat for those in dark and cold. I'm glad that you're happy, girl. I feel like i'm a mother who've seen her daughter grown and be loved. haha...

Well.... Best friend, you've grown and going ahead of. Don't stop to lo0k back.. Just go0 straight to the end of the road, i'll call you when i reach there but remember don't forget to update me with your journey... :D I might take the other turns that are far different than you... Remember me, cuz i will always remember you ;D

Sometimes I do feel lonely and sometimes I do feel like an Emo freak... Most of the times, I feel fortunate to be living and tries my best to by pass every single challenges that has been put up for me... No matter how hard and how painful it has done/ will be done to me, at the end of it, I learn something new and something special in it. No matter how negative and how bad emotions had been/ will be triggered, still it will have a positive result. All i have to do is be patience and learn from everything that you can. People might think it's stupid, but what you think that counts the most provided evidence and proved to support your judgement. Then again, take in their thoughts to0 as reference :D

I have yet to wait.

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
1:19 PM

Happy Valentine's Day

Everywhere I'd go and everywhere I see
Couples holding hands with promises of love
Flowers, chocolates and teddy bears became the symbol
Hugs and kisses became the tradition

They lo0k so0 happy and fortunate to have one another
Some treats the day as an international love day
Some treats it as a day to express their love
While some others, it is the day of the symbol of their love

How I wish I knew how it feels.
How I wish that this could be real.
How I wish that it could happen to me
But wait, it's my parents' anniversary :D

Today is the day I should be thank of
W/o today I won't be here typinig out
Two become one, my mom and dad
Married the date on 14 february 1981

No, i don't
No, i won't
Today, 14 feb is officially my parents anniversary
I will celebrate with them only

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!
Happy Valentine's Day to all that readers!
Happy Happy Happy day to all you, Brats...
Happy Day for me with Joy of tears :D

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
12:11 PM

Monday, February 12, 2007

Bob, mom and dad

Daddy, lo0k at me

Mommy, hold me tight

I want all your love for me

I don't want to give it all

Don't want your money

Don't want your shelter

How can this be? I've taken all of your treasure

Forgive me, I fail to love

Forgive me, I fail to care

Forgive me, I've made you cry

For years I've despair

Loneliness

Angst

Hatred

Grudge

Just feelings I can't compete

You know I love you

I love you like I'm loving Bob

Admitting that you can't be compored to him

He's my one and only

Missing him more than I've missed you

But my love are all the same

For the three of you

For tonight if I die, one I would say

I love you Bob, Mom and Dad

Frogive me if I ever made you sad

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
1:49 PM

It's all over!!

Now the time has come for me to leave

I'm happy that I've found and had a chance to believe

Little did I know it's all a dream

Cuz it's in reality, for real

I never thought it would feel this way

Never thought I'd feel the same

The moment I had the first time

And now it has happened again

Magical moment, magical thing

Everything so0 wonderful what more can I wish?

The rain drips, the sky smiling

The day ends, will I be missed?

I know i will be hurt

I know I will cry

I won't tell anyone

How much pain I feel inside

Stupid it is, to believe it's real

Only once I met, bullshit if I had it

Can't blame me, I don't wish to feel it either

Such a feeling that makes me smile

Again the day has come

Moment to be found

No more magical, no more wonderful

I've known this all along, don't give me another that would laid me down

Had enough, I had fun

It's over and let it be

For I, don't want to have anything

Anything more than I am feeling

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
1:28 PM

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Caught in the middle

It's a sadden. I am caught in the middle no matter what the situation is. I am scared and I'm freaked. I don't know what to do and i don't know what i've got myself into. Now, i can't get out of it. I'm not scared of going throughg the pain but what i'm more scared is hurting others. I'd rather have myself hurt than having others getting hurt because of me. I'm confused! In this matter, I am confused, scared, freaking out and timid!! I don't care what people think.. I don't care what they think... All I care about right now, is brain-washing... I don't want to remember tiny bit of HAPPINESS... Though i do much had so0 much fun... If this is what it feels like now! I'd rather have none.... Can i hv NO EMOTION? Can i not have this whatever it is... can i be emotionless? Please please please please halp me! Let this feeling be nothing... Let me free.. Let me have the freedom... Let me be strong... No i'm weak at this matter.... sho0t me dead!

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
1:07 PM

Friday, February 9, 2007

What's the Sign?

Sometimes the sign just comes in and makes u either happy or sad but some makes u neither happy nor sad.... Now, what does that suppose to mean? I'm not really sure of myself either. Sometimes I do want to know but then it all jumbles up and down inside out and i ended up not knowing exactly what it means... Is it worth to have a sign? Or better off to have the real thing? Or BOTH? I don't know... I just wish the sign give a specific meaning and tell me straight to my face...

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
12:36 AM

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Fakers

It hurts me inside to know that someone you trusted and lo0k up to0 happens to put a fake face when you'r in trouble. For example, u're in trouble and need a listening ears but that someone didn't really want to hear since u're that person's friend so0 that person puts a fake face and just go with it but at the back of the mind, 'There you go again... Maybe by changing the subject or lo0king up would do me go0d'.... Argh!!

It really hurts to know that your close fren doesn't really wants to listen to you but that friend of yours has to0. Trying their best not to fall asleep with your bedtime story. It is also quite disturbing when you thought they actually listening and understands you but they would interrupt the topic and tried to change the subject. To them, you're so0 totally inViSiBLe. For those who didn't know what that means... it means HidDen Fr0M ViEw ... Is it basically normal when someone got it all and forgets what they already has?

I'm not sure if i'm making this such a big issue. I know that everyone has their own lives to deal with, i have mine to0... But i'm just letting out...

What are friends for?

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
1:57 AM

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Lasting Love

I saw an oLd couple, holding hands and communicating with each other. I know it's a common thing but hey, they are really sweet couple. It somehow shows how much they love each other and till death do them apart. Isn't that Sweet? It potrait a picture where they've gone through go0d times and bad times through years in life, now they are still a loving couple like the teens nowadays...

It gives me a thought that will I have that kind of Love ? Nowadays, you'll see couples hold hands and loving2 but when they're at fights or unstable state, there will either be no more them or that love is not there. For this couple, i'm not sure what they or how they gone through life but what the result is=really tremendous. I do envy and hearts for this couple's love.

Lasting Love is hard to find. Hard to know and hard to feel. Will I have the Love in me? Will the love last forever? Lasting Love, what does it really means? How am I to know if it's real? To0 much pain and to0 many i've gain. Locked my heart, waiting for the key. However, the key is found but have yet to be reached. Here comes other keys that may just fit in. Which is the key that will last and rot with me?

Princess Ariel met her human Prince and married as a human being. Sleeping Beauty sleeps a hundred years and comes her youngly Prince. Can I swim away and find what's beneath? Can I sleep and dream, waking up with my Prince beside me? Lo0king at the faces, meeting all the people... Where is the magic in this reality world? Does falling in love means materialisticly? Or is it the feeling is just there? Fairy tales tell a different story abt love... Reality tells another... If we believe it can happen but how? What if you've found that someone and that someone is imperfectly matched to some factors which "doesn't really" concerns you... Then another came into ur life and quite perfectly matched to that some factors BUT "doesn't really" of what u expect... Who would you cho0se and let it be the key? There's a saying that goes, ' It's a matter of seeing an imperfect as perfect' .... Then, what happens with the perfectness that is perfect to you?

Love comes softly.... In the past years, someone take in those she sees as perfect and been hurt by all of them.... Will she risk it to have another broken heart when she has finally found the 'perfect guy'? Will she gives her heart to someone else and see him as perfect?? Will they be happy? Will that love last forever if she takes it? What happen next has yet to be written...

Lasting Love do exist

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
2:10 AM

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Co0l

yey! Yesterday was quite a time out. I've paid the whole exam fee and all i'm left with is revising and completing my assignment. Hopefully it will be completed by the end of february. How? Let's just see how... Aywayz, met up with two other of my pals and it was rather wEiRd at some point. At least, we did meet up. Miss those times when we just sit around waiting for the time to pass and chat, sing, laugh, fight... haha... Wonder what happened...

Well, kinah and me went to bugis and I fell in love with this outfit. It's co0l . However, I have to reSisT myself from spending now! I spent almost $200 in New Year on outfit. I have lots of things that I have yet to buy but i hv to hold that teMPtAti0n ... hehehe... I might just sew my own clothes once I have the right fabric or cloth or whatever... At the moment, I will try and get some ideas and probably maybe I jst buy and stuff... haha.. o0hky... enough with this... It really does hurt me... :P

We went on walking all the way from Bugis to Bras Basah and thought of going to Orchard and in the end we end up walking towards Clarke Quay... Yikes!! However, we to0k alot of eXicTinG pictures... haha... There were some people who saw us and laugh at us... Paiseh seribu kali!!... huaks... But we had quite a day and collected quite alot of interesting pictures... Another day have yet to come and we'll see what happen today... :D

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
3:50 PM

Monday, February 5, 2007

Victory

Now i remember why I didn't really watch soccer matches. One, after seeing Beckham faked a score (from what i see) which i think it's a possibilities of bribing... Two, no professionalism between players that would link to the 'unfairness' of the refree (the refree would give way to the other team and the players can't take it, they would make fouls and of ANY way to get back to opponents...got what i mean?) .. So0 these are some of the reasons why i didn't watch soccer that much like i used to....However, when it comes to big matches like the World Cup and the asian league (is it?)... I would watch either the final or follow up till the end.

Another factor, i don't really watch the S-League games and the games that Singapore play... To clear the air, it's not that I have anything against my own country but the feeling of watching them is totally different... No interest I supposed! Anywayz, I've always known that Singapore is go0d inland but no go0d outland. I suspected that they'll lose with Thailand or any other country. I had these personal opinion since years back. My Dumb'S' , I don't bother to watch and judge the improvement of the Singapore players. My bad though!

Whenever the peeps talking abt Singapore players, my mind would go0, erk.. o0hky... Then when my friends said that they'll be watching the matches I'd go0, erm... maybe i should watch to0..see i hv time And so0, last night's match was a HIT ... Totally change my perspective about Singapore players.

As i've said earlier before the match to my father that Singapore would lose with 2-1 or 1-0. If not, they have to defend really well to keep it a draw with no score. I'm not an eXpeRt and im sUcK at playing soccer. So0 this is my Personal Opinion...Well, i can't really remember how i play with the peeps in sec sch... I've forgotten... Hey guys, can we like have that old times again with sch uniform?? ... huaks... Back to the match, I also stated that it would be an AcHieveMenT if Singapore scored w/o penalty kick in the game. Winning by the penalty kick in previous game is another story.

And so0 the game begins... It was quite a range, man!! I ate my fo0d like nobody's business... huaks... Anywayz, from my point of view, Singapore did put up a tough fight with Thailand although they're nt really at 'my eXpeCtAtiOn' ... However, they did not tried to play even better infact, since they knew their weakness, they covered the goalpose instead of trying to get a goal... So0, salute them... Another thing that I'm impressed with them, they keep their co0l and playing with professionalism. I mean, they didn't really try to get back on the opponent like some other did Clearly!! Then again, I applaud them for beating Thailand whom they're the biggest challenge. I'd say Thailand played really well on field and Singapore deserves the ViCt0Ry to have beaten them... It is somehow a fairly game that Singapore won!!

Nevertheless, it was really pain in the 'S' when a very CRyStaL CLeAr faul was not being entertained! It was really a weight of pressure while watching. Then again, it's a pay off!! It's soccer... Anywayz, all of these are my personal opinion. I know that I don't know much about soccer but it's just a personal opinion as a 'watcher' who expects something of the match... hehehe... VICTORY TO SINGAPORE!!!!

Last but not least, Singapore has blo0m from the past years. This is an Achievement and This is a way of it all.. Singapore has proven to those who thinks 'Singapore can't do it' (WAS me)... So0, Nothing is Impossible... :D

--> Nothing is Impossible cuz I.M.possible...

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
11:35 AM

Saturday, February 3, 2007

Busy

Sometimes it's really weird why aren't I as busy as my friends. Most of the times when I get to finally see them over MSN, they would be busy. When I called them, they're out. When I just keep quiet, some would say that I anti-social... o0hky, this is freaky!! Let see, we have the same things... But why aren't I as busy? Am i suppose to be as busy as them?? I wonder why I can't be busy and totally have no time to chat... Honestly, not getting to chat or hang out or chill or having fun, is not jst my type... huaks... I'd rather be busy chilling and enjoying time... haha... Maybe I am busy!! Busy spending time enjoying life... hehehe...

Busy with life, eh? Life... You life only once. What do you expect? You can't eventually cramp all of ur time studying and after that working... Then u want to have all the fun in the world when u're retired? Helo0o0o... When u have all the time in the world.. Just have fun!! Fun Fun FUN!!!... Busy with having fun... that's my way!!.. :D Before I die, I want to try extreme sport. Sky-diving, bungy jumping, B.A.S.E jumping, whatever more there are... well, that is b4 i die... hahaha... o0h well... Busy having fun!! ;)

--> I'm not afraid to TRI....

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
3:00 PM

Thursday, February 1, 2007

The Time is here

When the time comes for me to go to bed early, one thing makes me really StrAWbeRrY CupCaKE ... It's either I could not get myself to sleep until the 'time' i usually sleeps or I will go in and out of the washro0m... Damn!! It's really is a P.I.T.S!!

I finally got the chance to sleep early but seems like it ain't doing any go0d! Who's thinking of me? Hah! So0, let me just update y'all with somethings... Anyone that wanna have time out with me better let me know in advance, if possible 1 month advance notice or else I would make other plans for my schedule and time off. I just realise that I am quite a busy girl. Hahaha... Well, it wouldn't seems to be that way cuz I am busy with haViNG FuN TiME EnJoYinG LiFe ... Scho0l's over!!! I mean, secondary scho0l life are over and I'll be finishing my classes so0n so0, why sit around when I have so0 much to do from morning till night... Besides working, i have time to fill my time with every single little things that matters. These things that I didn't have time to do when i'm back at scho0l... Y'know.. almost ALL of your time spend on bo0ks and studying.. Let's just say, living life to the fullest!! Of course, some PeAcEfuL time would be an ideal to0... In conclusion, those who wanna meet up---pick a date, call me up and we'll have our day out together... :D

January is over and February is here. Left with 3 months! Have you peeps wonder what you peeps'll be doing after that? (for those BMC Academy travel and tourism students)... It's really funny to know not to know what you wanna do next. Sometimes what you're doing now is actually for the sake of your parents and your future. Not really what you thought you'd being doing, though... hahaha.... But at the same time, it's what you really want but totally have clueless abt the next step cuz you see things differently... Complicated indeed... Well, i'd say it's multi-dimensional....

-->Live life to the fullest.....

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
2:40 AM

It's funny!!

I always wonder how weird it was when my friends got along WeLL with their fellow siblings. The reason being, I can’t remember when was the time that I got a pat on the shoulder and congratulated by any of my elder siblings. I can’t even remember when they actually ask me what’s wrong or what’s going on… Or should I say, I don’t think they ever do that… Sometimes, I do envy those of my friends who are go0d with their siblings… Never do I heard of them fighting like they’re in a ring or something (for girls only). Unlike me, we do get in SeRiOUS fight over something really SmALL…

I do admit that I am a really P.I.T.S child to handle. I won’t deny that I am ReBeLLiouS
and RuDE at times. For a certain matter I can tolerate but being disrespectful to me under my possession IS totally InToleRabLe. I can be soft-hearted at times but don’t get me into that DimEnSioN where I can be quite HaRsH! I am a straightforward person that I will say what I have to say. I used to keep everything inside cuz I don’t have the guts to say. I’m not saying that I hv the guts now… It’s more to logic. If I don’t bring up, no one knows… The most painful part, the ones who are older won’t really take any advice or word from the younger ones… It’s natural I suppose in general, but those who can really think, they would judge any comments made to them. However, these ‘older’ ones are the ones that think they are being born first so0 they are a step forward then those who are born later… VaniLLa Ice Cream + MocHa Ice CrEaM

I am quite upset but I don’t really care. Before I went to work, there had been some performance in the house. Basically, I have limitation usage for my hp and I am very certain abt using it. Once I told that person ‘a message’ indicating please do not disturb or interrupt in the usage of my hp, it clearly means the usage is ONLY for ME, I can’t afford to pay more… I’m not saying that I am stingy but I can be if the person does not show any go0d example or any history records upon such cases. I mean, my bro used my phone several times and yes it is my fault to give him to use it when I was not supposed to0. However, when I nagged it means you shouldn’t ask next time… Y’know what I get? I was told that I was being rude and o0h my gosh!! I got BASHED!!! The reason I nag, one I hv limitation. Two he used my mom’s phone and exceeded to 1000 bucks… If my pay is multi-million dollars, I would hv allow him to0 use it all he wants but hey I’m the youngest and I’m paying the bill… I was nagging and at the same time saying the facts… Clearly, he doesn’t like it. Reason, I’m the youngest sister POINTED OUT CLEARLY his mistakes… Ada masuk akal?? Who’s being rude now? O0hky, I did also said that next time use the payphone… DUH !! What wrong with that??..

I didn’t cry a tear for this one. I mean, like what I’ve mentioned earlier, we fight over small things!! Kindergarten level!! Besides, I’m not at fault. It is my rights to nag! In addition, he should know how I sound when I don’t allow… But why do I still give him?? A little sympathy… However, I made it clear. It’s my loss, b’cuz he already used it and is brave enough to bashed me up cuz he already use my phone… Haha to0 me… Whatever lah, I don’t care anymore… Whatever he wants to do is his life arr… Just don’t interrupt with my life if he can’t even tolerate such problem. I’d say, other brothers won’t do that… They would apologized for using my hp or they would asked it nicely… Yeah! Asking is another thing… He sounds more of DEMAND rather than asking… StRaWbeRRy ChoCOlaTEY CaKE!! One thing that made me clueless, he wrote a letter saying,”the family has no more bond. We’ve grown far away…” Am I reading this correctly?? O0h yeah, I send msges to my parents and to himself after the incident on my way to work… I wanted to say it but he didn’t give me a chance… why? He’s busy HURTING me… Yeah!! He thinks I’m gonna keep quiet?? He thinks by bashing my mouth, my face, I would keep quiet? Hell NO! Not anymore! For 18 years I’ve been keeping my mouth shut!! This IS the time for me to0 BLOW up!!! Btw, if I am really cruel, I would use the law!! This is considered abusing.

? a life to0 precious to ~~WASTE~~.
1:04 AM