Monday, March 12, 2007
High and Low
(the sky is way up high... Do u see the bird? Flying towards it despite everything around.. As though the world lives only the sky and the it)
Saturday was supposed to be the day that I went out with the peeps. However, everyone was having trouble dealing with 'the family'. For my case, I have Haizel at home and it was such a difficult moment for me. Mom was like saying, 'it's not always that Haizel's here. Why bother go out with ur friends when Haizel's here...' Ouch! It does hurt me. I had this plan lined up. The next time, I will allowed or say in advance that I have plans on a particular day. If she wants to have Haizel home than she may but don't ask me to change my plan unless it is changeable.
First stop, we went to Chong Pang and sent the invitation card to my aunt. I was quite surprised .. no... I was Astonished by the way my niece lo0ked. She's only 14 years old and she has crossed over my fashion sense.. I mean, my feminine sense... My fashion sense is quite abnormal. Well, it to0k awhile for me to gain back my conciousness. I just couldn't believe how much she've grown. I have to admit, it does make me feel young. For a moment, i did asked myself when will i grow up and be feminine?... huaks.. Well, I don't want to be somebody i'm not. I'm glad that I am just the way I am.. ;D
We walked all the way to the MRT sttn and off to Bukit Batok to meet up with my dad. There after we went to Jurong West for the wedding invitation from my mom's side. It was fun to meet up with the relatives. Some jokes, some story. People doesn't recognise me. Kind of funny. They would stare at me and keep thinking,'who are u?' hahha... Some do recognise and was abit feeling weird seeing me. Like i've said abt my fashion sense. :D
It was quite a day but I feel wasted at some point. In addition, i was feeling kind of low. My mom wanted me to join and used Haizel as the bait which really pisses me off. Then again, it's over so0 I don't really mind that much. It was fun and I was being called the 'MOM'.. I was embarrassed when people called me the mother of Haizel cause i was not the one managing Haizel and it gives the impression i'm just the same as typical teenagers that doesn't know how to take care of her own child. My goal, when i have a child/ children. I want me and my husband to take care, manage and discipline them. I want us (my husband and me) to be the one. I want my parents to enjoy, spending time with them. Giving them love and moral support my children needs. So0, i'm the aunt. The young aunt to Haizel n my other nephews and nieces that I have (that to0 many names to mentioned)... :D
We got back home at 3am. Haizel went to bed with me and when I woke up, he's in my mom's bedro0m. We have to wake up early at 8.30am as we're heading to JB for my dentist appointment. I was quite pissed when we're late and it was freaking warm. I had troubled cho0sing which outfit to wear, in the end, i wear the black dress. I wasn't really in much mo0d but it's manageable. Arriving at JB custom, it was damn packed. We turned back with the sun up above the sky on top of us. Heat transmit and im perspiring. Freaking Warm!... We managed to get to the mrt and get to my aunt's wedding.
Met up with my other nephews... They called me, 'Pendek'... Naughty peeps... hahah... Met up with my cussies and everyone. I was quite uncomfortable as people have the lo0k. Most of them totally don't recognise me. How upset it was... Get together with my cuzzie and went to the Mac just upfront. I saw someone that I know. I knew it's her. I jumped up and hugged her. Azizah was there doing her project with her classmates. Flashes of 5S2... huaks... I remembered the times in class... I miss bullying her! o0psy!! Neh, I miss her company in class. I miss those times when she's so0 kancong and blur and hard-working and encouraged me to finish fast. She wanted to see Haizel, but i was to0 tired to take him along and as well that when Haizel met up with his grandparents.. don't even lo0k at our faces.. huaks... I left MsZiza to do her work and continued talking to my cuzzie...
(From top, Haimin, Amira and Yanie)
Not long, MsZiza went back to her fwens house. Left us... We to0k pictures quite ALOT. It's really funny and co0l. Not to mentione nice. hehehe... I will upload some of it here... hehehe... I miss you girls. Next time, when we disccuss about chilling out, make sure we finish it. hahaha... Again, among them I feel so0 young. I'm the eldest but the shortest and the youngest is the tallest. I'm more go0fier than them i think. Hahaha... which makes me seems like childish. Then again, there are times to be serious and times to be childish. :D
(Syiok sendiri)
That's about my day over this weekend. My reflection= I feel cast away, when I arrived at the wedding of my aunt. The problem was way from years ago among parents, however, children are the victims of it all. Without these two, Amira and Yanie, I would feel so0 lost and lonely while being in my own family. I don't know why. However, some people would feel like u're the son/daughter of bla bla bla, i shall dislike u to0... Some, jst didn't want rumours or beign casted to0. o0h well, Thanks Yanie and Amira for being there for me in the family matters. Children would make me smile and walk n play n talk, but won't really get the boredom out or frustration. I do want to go yesterday (if there weren't really anything) but there's no invitation, so0 I didn't have the guts to show my face. I do want to help, but no one told me to0 or ask of me which I don't think I should. I don't want to be someone who's trying to fit in. I don't care if I am a cast away, I know i'll survive. Sometimes, I just wonder if Grandpa's still alive. Then again, I feel glad that I came as I can meet with my two lovely cuzzies and all the children that I want to see. I may not have much to say but I'm glad that some do talk n smile to me... :D
We shall take more pix... :D
(the three of us)
--> Family :D smile...
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
12:31 AM
I am 19 as of 2007. Born on 25 July (hari raya haji eve in 1988 at A timing). The third and the last child. Has a cat named BOB, treats him like a brother.
I love Music. Music is my Life.
Treasures friends, family and my Dreams. Daring I am, rebellious still. Passionate and determines my life, no one could steal it from me but HIM.
Blessed with what I have!! Obstacles after another, Patience I learn. Afraid not, I cannot FEAR!! So0 Many, So0 Little... Love me for ME, Hate me for ME. Know me for Real, Fakers are just not me