Monday, April 30, 2007
Complicated
I'm not sure about this thingy called "love". It's so0 complicated and very much difficult to understand. For sure, it is not game nor it is something to be taken lightly. You know what kind of love i am talking about.
I have a friend who encounters a difficulty upon love. I tried to help her but I don't really have the 'experience' with this thingy. Here's her story: -
She fell for this guy. He's not a far relation but a friend of hers. She didn't know it at first but then the feeling started to grow. She kept quiet and ignored the feeling. Days after weeks and turned to months. For some reason, it occurred and they confessed. It wasn't a confession that she wanted to hear. However, both were unsure. Keeping it low, they continue as it was. She got to know that her best friend likes him and she was so0 sad that for her best friend, she would sacrifice and she did. Nevertheless, the guy didn't do anything and circumstances comes to a point where they got distanced. She knew that it is impossible so0 she moved on with her life. She dated with other guy and had a life but whenever there's a reunion and she saw him or talked to him, the feeling just sparks up and burnt her heart. It hurts to pretend that there's no pain but she's suffering. Eventhough she's attached, that feeling... that particular feeling that she don't even know will just appeared. She knows it's wrong. She knows it wasn't wise. You can't really control that feeling. It just comes naturally. She was hoping that the feeling would just be a crush. But she realise it wasn't because she had a crush on a guy she just knew and thought that feeling was the same feeling like the 'first love' however, when she knew it was impossible... it was not difficult to forget. But with this particular guy, it has been years and the feeling sparks whenever he appears. Then again, she wasn't sure. It can be another false alarm. She told me that, this guy even when he's with his gf or she's with her bf... when they meet, the feeling towards him was more greatly than the feeling she has for her bf. She broke up with her bf years ago because of this unknowing feeling. Currently, she just want to tell him what she has been feeling all these years but she feels like it is inappropriate. It is hard to say 'I love you'. Then again, she didn't want to go another round of uncertainty and distances between him. If she could just tell him all with a lo0k in her eyes... It would be much easier... That what she said...
So0, if you people have experienced similar situation and gone through it... Can you advice or give some tips? For me, personally, just tell him and see how he reacts. Know if he's feeling the same way if not then back off lor... Then again, i don't know about this so0 it is better for the experienced people to give some tips... hahaha...
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
7:36 PM
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Start a fresh
It never is to0 late with changes and start a new. It takes time and time may be fast but sometimes you can't rush time, can you? Well, I have no idea how people, in general, lo0k at time. As i've mentioned,time is Love and Love is precious. Although, i've taken a back with "what's with the world", neither would i want to neglect it again just b'cuz i have other commitments. I know what is commitments but, however, I listed out commitments according to it's priority. Now, i may have mess things up but then one objective in my life is get through the tough times, analysing it and learn from the experience. If it happens to be negative, minus and plus somethings that can make it into positive. If it's positive, then sustain and improve on it. Eventually, it's about how you get up from falling down rather than how fast you got up. Well, that's what i learn and it's how i lo0k at things.
Starting a fresh is always a step one to everything. For example, a writer; writes on a new page of a new story after an old one being published or an error is being written. In life, you can't possibly re-born yourself. However, you can put your mind and focus on the objective of life. Let say, you've done something wrong. I mean, huge mistake. Naturally, humans tend to have guilt and difficulty on forgiving and getting through tomorrow upon their actions. Nevertheless, a second chance is given. The complicated part, is their emotions. They are blinded by emotions that they could not see the possibilities of the second chance. Second chance is there, right infront of them. Personally, it is not easy to have that second chance in your hand. Then again, it's HOW you get that second chance. Like a writer, correct its mistake by liquid paper and write everything all over again in a new fresh paper. For life, we get through and tackled the mistake and start a fresh, either with corrected mistake at the tail or wounds that being by passed. To be specific, we have to face the mistake and consequences of it. It hurts and it's worse than any sharp object that you've touched. But you have to be sure of yourself whether you want to nursed the wounds or let it heal by itself.
It is never easy to give yourself or others another chance but sometimes it is for the better. It's up to you on how to use that second chance. A second chance is not wise to be give to a person whom never learn from their mistake and did it for the second time. Even if i believe in changes but to some people, they are just fake and pretenders. I have nothing against them but for the better of me, not knowing them is peace. Yesterday is always history; bits and pieces of it is taken to get it fixed for the future. Life is just to0 precious to waste and wonder.
--> A second chance is given when you are aware of it consequences....
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
12:47 PM
I'm screwed and perhaps regretting
I have 5 days to revise for my exams and I am screwed! I am so0 selfish and out of focus. I don't know how it happened but I drew my attention on other things, focus it and get hold of it. Somehow, i've channeled my focus on something that should not be focus on to0 just yet. As a result, i've neglected my studies and i am paying the price for it. I can hear the disappointment in my parents' voice, the tears of sadness in their eyes and the heartache that i feel the guilt and shame. I am so0 sorry m0m and dad. I know i've disappointed you and i'm sorry that i might disappoint you again. I've tried my best not disappoint you but I did it again. I will try not to disappoint you again in the future. I promise i will make the best out of me. Give me another chance and have hope in me. I love you, mom and dad.
Nevertheless, i've found out the mistake and willing to fix it all. Eventually, time doesn't not stand still. So0, i'm trying my very best to make most out of it. I realise that sometimes a place do play a part. I will pull my sock up high and do my very best for now. If so0, i may just have to plan further and a far away from where i already am. Another chance, is all I need. Have faith in me!
I may have taken some steps that may have a negative impact on myself. Some things that may have appeared seemingly wrong. I've made some decisions without thinking about it over and over again. When I’m committed, I’ve realized that there are number of errors, which makes me, think about it as a mistake. I started to wonder and ask myself, 'is this what i really want?' Questions myself and search. Flashbacks on time and seek for some answers. I can actually knock my head with a hammer, if possible. Nevertheless, it is a learning ground for me. Messing up things can outstand the things that i'm searching for. I may regret it at some point, however, as time goes ... It was never a regret but a step to know.
A colleague asked me about "what's my objectives in job scope" and i was stunned by it and thought to myself cluelessly. I never thought of any objectives as long as i'm working and i got paid. I have objectives in life but never did i focus on a job that i'm doing or might be doing. Given myself some time, i realised that my job scope - is fun and enjoyment in my work. I am a happy person and like to make everyone enjoy their days. I am not a person who would stress myself every single day or challenge my mind on something. I like it smo0th... Summing up on it - my type of job is where i can have fun. I prefer open space than enclosed. Well, enclosed place with little tension and pressure would be o0hky... Something that I can do to entertain or make others smile and enjoy. Another thing, i am the type of person that personal life is also my priority. A job with 5 working days per week would be favourable... At least the other 2 days are left for me to have my own plans...
So0 far, these are the things that i can gather from my experience. Although, i don't really like to be exposed to the sun but i won't mind if it doesn't really make me stress all round the clock. As long as i am happy with what I am doing and that i don't really make trouble, i am go0d. hahaha.... Well, for now, I will have to spank my as$ for being procrastinating. I have to plan ahead and focus on it. Whatever it may be, I will try and do my very best....Screwed? Regret? Both? Maybe... But things happens for a reason. This is a learning ground for me. Mistakes are made to be learnt...
---> Screwing up sometimes means knowing the mistake and fixing it.... :D
(thinking a far)
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
2:39 AM
Thursday, April 26, 2007
25th April 07
In the History of Songs of the Sea. The sun was heating the land. So0 extremely hot!! Making my way to work, I was early and as usual went to the bo0kstore to read some stuff. Before that, i went to Golden Village and get myself an advanced ticket for Spiderman 3 at 3.30pm. Yep, i will be going there alone on 2 of may 2007 which is on next Wednesday. Wuho0o0! o0hky, emo? So0, not! I'm just gonna catch it when i want to. o0hky, back to the 'history'... So0, met up with the peeps and got ready with work. On ground, the sky was darkening. Had a bad feeling but hoping that it would lighten up.
Droplets of rain were being felt. The others had the yellow raincoats out and feared went up all over me. Don't tell me I have to wear that. No way! Not when i don't really see it as 'clean'... haha... o0hky, so0 the rain starts to pour. Gosh! Hoping it won't be heavier. Guest: Will the show still go on if it rains? Me: o0h yes, unless there's thunderstorm and lightning.
Time goes on, it's time for them to queue up BUT it was raining and coming to the heavier rain. Not to mention THERE'S LIGHTNING!! Howevre, the guests are so0 eager to watch the show regardless of their own safety. I, personally, felt that it is unappropriate for them to even think of their $6 instead of thei LIVES!! Anywayz, as for us the 'workers' are following the order of our superior which were having their time in the ops ro0m discussing whether or not to cancel the show. No offence but time goes on and nature doesn't wait! For a moment, i would just want the supervisor to come outside and SEE what's really happening. For god's sake, thousands of lives might be in danger. Here's more fun to add... WE'RE BESIDE THE SEA!!! Ever study science or geography??
The line's forming up. I was really on my peak. I tried to tell them to seek shelter. But to my freaking surprise, the gate's opening in two minutes. At this point, the lightning has been going on every one minute. Guess what?! The show's is beside the beach!! All of us were drenched. I am so0 furious, why can't they just cancel the show?! For the safety of th0se people please knock their heads on the wall or get it up there in the sky and mix with the lightning.... Subatra and I went to the ops ro0m and explained the condition. I can't wait when most of our lives are in jeopardise. Were in jeopardise, i mean. Now, the supervisors are shocked i believe. We are totally drenched!!!
The weather began to be more fierceful and angry. Guess what?! Wait another five minute... Another five minute?!! Are you out of your freaking mind. Why don't you be more considerate and be out here for the last 15 to 20 minutes?! I'm not complaining but hey, i don't want to see anyone die cuz of lightning. Neither would I want bad experience be pasted on the guest memory when they come here. We are on service line and we have the responsibility to make their experience once in a lifetime thingy. You know what i mean? But hey, this is a connection to their safety to0. Lo0k, once in a lifetime thingy doesn't mean one lifetime ended here. o0hky, i may freak out abit. But I freaked out for one reason. I am not a lifesaver although i have lightsaver... haha.. o0hky that doesn't make any sense...
Finally, it 7.40 show's cancelled. I am freaking cold and damn! I forgot my contact lense case. o0hky, it's kind of stink. Everything's soaked! Gosh! I wish i brought extra clothes. Just hope today doesn't rain! o0hky.. That's almost about it for the 25th april.. haha... I'm late anywayz... see you...
---> Think safety not your money
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
1:03 PM
Friday, April 20, 2007
The day starts off
I went to Vivo City to kill the time. Page One Bo0kstore is where I always hang out at. I searched for a magazine that can bo0st up my confidence as well as that i can learn something new. Unfortunately, i bought the wrong magazine. Tay and Shah were right, there are alot of advertisements rather than the story itself. o0h well... At least, there are some tips although it's not much of convincing.
Well, for the first time i went to the gallery and dance along. hmm.. If i were to be following the exact steps to what is given.. I'll be like swimming dead. So0, i jst having fun and probably 'overdid' it cuz i am so0 damn freaking bored! At least, the beat do make me move... hahaha... Well, we kind of throw Arina to the sea as it was her birthday. If i were her, die2 i take off seh... hahaha.. I won't miss my 'birthday' for the world... it happens once every year... so0 yeah! To me, birthdays are special day for someone... If it's not for that day, i won't be here... :D so0 yeah!! I will celebrate my birthday with or w/o anyone... For all i care, it is my special day and i jst hv to make myself feel special...
Anywayz, i've read this one article about skin cancer. It's really scary... hahaha... See, sunlight can be go0d at times but... It can be eating ur life up slowly... hahaha... one reason why i don't like to be exposed to sunlight... hehehe...
-->make everyday a special day... ;)
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
3:16 AM
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Hey, i realise something
I did mentioned about the modern western bomoh on the previous entry however, i forgot to mention one thing as i just realised it today.... They were using this technology thing to monitor on the energy and it reminds me of those things what the GhostBusters use to track down the ghost etc... hahaha.... Seems like it's another Ghostbuster series but a NASTY one and more in depth with horror.. Ghostbuster are just kiddy stuff and comedy... heheh... huaks.... o0h well... Supernatural are co0l and Ghostbusters are fun!! hehe... Peace....
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
9:34 AM
Superly Natural
I am going to buy Supernatural DVD Season 1 before the stock last. Well, i'm gonna cope in any way... As you know me, i will buy whatever caught my eyes and somehow has an impact on me. I don't know how's my future be like but hey, as long as I can cope with it... I'm co0l...
I've been watching the same episodes for the past 5 days and today, my mom watched it and I was surprised. She make so0 much sound effect. haha... Even when i've watched it over and over again, but her sound effects make me jumpy... hahaha Guess what?... She's sleeping outside just to watch Supernatural... hahaha... Co0l eh...!!
My mom told me about her youngster colleague and she mentioned that they wanted to get to know me. My mom was like trying to avoid such questions and ignored them... I told my mom, if they are as go0d lo0king as Jensen(Dean) or Jared(Sam) and the character/behaviour are similar as Dean and Sam, i can give some thought and that includes the age to0... hahaha... Just joking... o0h well, my mom knows that I love Spiderman.. I think now she knows that I broken up with Spiderman and I'm with Dean... hehe... It's kind of co0l when your mom/dad can be of the same frequency as you... My mom can even layan me further seh... huaks...
Well, Supernatural is quite co0l. Somehow, i think it's like the Modern Western 'Bomoh'..haha... But that sounds soo0 not Vogue lah... hahaha... Let's just keep it that way as Supernatural like Buffy, Angel, Dark Angel, Charmed...etc... Narrowed it down to Bomoh... eeewww so0 not co0l... hahaha...
If i'm scared, i can at least think about Dean and that helps me to be calm. Anywayz, he will come with his gun and shoot that freaking pieces of something... He assure to be protecting me... ;D o0hky... I'm so0 crapping out... ahaha...
--> Imagination is a start of everything...
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
1:09 AM
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
I forgot to mention
o0hky, here's the funny part.. I love blue... Blue is one of my favourite colours but I don't like blue eyes... Green.. I quite dislike green colour but I so0 loving green eyes... hahaha... Tadah!! Funny right? Yeah, o0oh well... Some things can be strange... hehe....
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
3:00 AM
Eyes
Call me crazy, call me insane... The eyes are the centre of attractions. I hv this attractions with green and brown eyes. Blue eyes are nice but to me it creeps me out. I hv no idea why... Most caucasians has blue eyes. Well, they're nice but the eyes just irritates me... huaks... If real blue eyes irritates me what abt contact lense... yikes! I don't wish to lo0k at it either... hehehe... Green eyes just so0 perfect and nice and wonderful. From the taste, blonde guys with green eyes are superb! haha.. I rarely, see the peeps with green eyes though... Mostly it's brown followed by blue... Erm, it will be a BINGO if i see some per day... hahaha...
I'm just stating this cause that's what I do at work. Checking those eyes... haha, it's something to pass the time faster though. Anywayz, for me, lo0king into the eyes can eventually see what they're thinking even if you can't really see the words... I enjoy lo0king straight into the eyes but sometimes, it can be quite uncomfortable... haha... o0h well, I don't mind l0oking into his green eyes... wo0w...
--> There are more than meets the eyes... ;)
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
2:41 AM
Hilarious
Hey2, today was quite a day. Smile widely :D.... Niways, got back home and waited for my mom at her workplace. I went to the wash ro0m to wash my hands. There's this one lady came to me and told me some stories about her life. She said that she's a divorcee, live with a mother aged 60 yrs old and a 2 year old child. She asked me if I am sympathize, donate her $5... It's not that I don't want to but I only have a few cents in my purse. So0 she lives... My mom warned me abt this lady and has told me not to give her my hp if she wants to use. Luckily she never. So0 she left. I wet my hair and left the bathro0m. I saw her talking to a guy. At first, i thought that was her husband but my mistake... The man left and no where to be seen. So0, i sat somewhere near to my mom's workplace and i can see the lady from my place. I monitored her while waitig for my mom. I realised that she was asking around for money. Yikes!! That's really lame. I mean, you're asking people for money and asking for sympathy? From my experience, those who do need help they don't ask for help or sympathy or donation. They eventually search for the solution themselves. However, she went over at me again and asked if i hv any amt of money. So0 i to0k out my money and showed it to her. She was like "erm...o0hky"... I asked her why didn't she work.. She said that she couldn't coz her child is 2 years old... hmm... yeah right... c'mon, there's welfare. And I do hv families that asked for the welfare help and they eventually asked the children to be sent to the childcare centre while the parents went to work... so0 haha... In the end, she walks off and talked to this bangla guy. She lo0ked behind and i guess that she saw me watching so0 she kept a distance... haha... Well, i know these kind of people... hmm... I told my mom and she said that whatever story she showered me with, don't give anything to her... She's a perfectly healthy person to be working her ass out... hmm... Yeah! So0 if you ever encounter the same situation, try to keep your distance... you may be helping them destroying their lives.. so0 yeah...but if u want to help by all means please do so0....
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
1:27 AM
Monday, April 16, 2007
Mail
Damn! I am pissed! Can you believe it. I can't get into my mail? Unless I make it through a LONG way. C'mon I didn't forget my password but in order to get in, i hv to click that thing. What?! I know... I mean, i had the password correct but why can't I get in and check my mail. This really testing my patience. Don't tell me i have to buy the software at such little time. I don't have much. There are other stuff more important than upgrading my computer. Well, I will get extremely fired up when everything is down. I mean, friendster's down, yaho0 (certain) down and now my email!! At least, myspace and this blog as well as other re-search centre still working. Just give me more time. This isn't Stay Alive... I just need a little more time to adjust everything... :D Hey, computer! please don't torture me like this. I need it.
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
4:02 PM
It's peace when united
Only peace will come when what's left is united. Sometimes, I feel so0 uneasy to go to sleep until either my bro or my mom or my dad comes home. At least, everyone's safe and that's all i need to know. My Bob; he's safe and I'm so0 missing him. :D Knowing that he's safe is more than I could ask for and that goes same to my mom, my dad and my bro to0. Peace I feel when everyone's safe and sound. I would sacrifice my life just to save my love ones. My love ones are my priority followed by me and my dreams...
Although, my relationship between my brother can be abit shaky it's not impossible to have a little communication right? C'mon, i do wish that I have a brother that really cares for me and communicates well with me. You can't cho0se family but you can cho0se friends. I found the brotherly love in my friends. I know my brother cares about me alot and he doesn't show his love for sure. Well, i just hope he have some sense in him.
--> Just say the words to your love ones (at least once) before they're gone forever.
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
2:56 AM
Super Beauty in my Heart
I watche Humm Saath Saath Hain and i'd say I love the song (Abc)... Co0l... Nice, beaty... A story of a huge family that is united. Sad enough for me to see... Anywayz, it can be quite draggy. Showing perfect family life with no major fightings etc... hmm... Love at first sight etc...
Y'know it can be really quite disturbing watching this love story kind of thing. I mean, sometimes it drives me crazy and wanted to find love myself. Then again, I have no power to that. Well, at times, you do feel like having such love from a person who adores you and have the perfect character. Not to mention, the lo0ks and the way that someone treats you, making you the special gift given from up above. You know what i mean.
Sadly enough, i don't think i have much time for it. Don't get me wrong, so0 little time so0 much to do. Chasing this 'Love" thingy is the least that I should do. Why chase when it will come to you? (This is only for "love" subject! For dreams, you have to chase cause it will go further and further and further away if you sits and do nothing but hope... No harwork, No hope, No dream) Back to the "love" thingy... Hey, I'm saying that Love--way way far... If can(for me), Love just only appears when the marriage qualifications is ready... Example, the money for the marriage itself, the kids, the life n etc... This is the major one... I'm not saying that I should marry the rich. But then again, having a rich husband is a bonus. hahah... Well, what I mean is on the behalf of myself. Woman can't 100% depend on guys (no offence but guys nowadays can be such... Then again, I do believe and have hopes)... That's one of the reason, another reason... The tax going up~! Not to mention the other one, what if at worst something bad happen to either one of us. At least some welfares are being prepared. Yeah, plan ahead. That's what businessmen do right? I won't call myself a business woman but hey, plans are just guidelines..
Then again, love comes from the heart. Not from anywhere else. Call me crazy if i am in love with Spiderman. Call me insane if i'm deadly in love with Spike. Call me silly if I am in love with Jensen Ackles or Chad Michael Murray or the guy from Prison Break... It's better to have such love than a heartbreaking and fake love... At least, you are aware of it that its not true. haha... Well, psycho? Let's just say, it's not a crime to imagine and dream... It's a start of everything... :D
Finding love is not a question of finding a clothe or an outfit for the day. "Does this lo0k best on me or is it this one?" It's a matter of finding which way is clearer. "Should i take the darker side of the road or the lighter side of the road?" You see, sometimes you see its bright but at the end of it, u'll nvr know. Then sometimes it goes vice versa for the dark one. So0, it's about how you cho0se it and handle it. Alot of experiences and alot of analysis to do. o0h well, i got other analysis to do though... ;D
-->Live optimistically and everything will be just fine... Not to forgot to live to the fullest, cuz tomorrow may not be.... (*v*)
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
12:54 AM
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Hey!
hey2! Whats been up? Well, so0 far i've put up pictures, old pictures at the moment, at my photo blog (http://shortypix.blogspot.com or you can click on My Pictures++). Other than that i've been doing some thinking and i found out that I'm just being silly and I'm getting over it. At any cost and any way that i can eventually get out of it. People has been asking me how to fall in love and my answer is, " I don't know! I have not found the one and why are you asking me this?"
Sometimes it gets into my nerve. I just want to puke every single time this question comes by-- "How do you get girl's attention? How to tell her/him? Should I tell him/her? Have you ever fall in love? Do you think it's wise to take a step forward?" See what I mean? I can't possibly answer all the questions. I won't deny that I've gone through puppy love. But if you're talking abt Love... I'd say it's about True Love ... You see I don't and never will understand about Love. From what i understand, love is all about sharing of go0d times, bad times, silly times, no sense times, and also about standing by each other. Trust, honesty, sincerity, protection, understanding and honouring of one's dignity. Well, these are some of the things that i learnt. However, i do know love has more than just that. The fairy tales story of love, can be true and also can be real. Believing and have faith in it. For me, the magical moment hasn't arrived. So0, don't ask me about how to get love...
Love will make its way when the time comes.
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
2:31 PM
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Another Blog!!
Hey2!! Help yourself with the visiting to my picture blog.... Lots of pictures being put up.. Still undergo some fixing, it may be erm... lame... well, just enjoy... Thanks...
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
3:14 PM
Blo0dy Mary
Today was quite offside, as I had swollen eyes from the tears i cried last night watching Kal Ho Na Ho. It stunk my eyes and I kind of irritated by it. However, things going well today and I am so0 touched that there were these caucasians kids (girls) were so0 friendly and playful. I assumed that they would go play dolly, princess me instead they went on sho0ting me and slashing me with their imaginations guns and knives. Previously, I watched Stay ALive and Supernatural back to back. Blo0d is all I can see in my mind. Wo0w!! As usual, I play along with them and pretending that I'm dead. Almost a sec i found myself somewhere else as such that im not working in Sentosa but I'm working as an entertainer or a teacher in a pre-scho0l or so0... huaks... o0h well, I might take up the diploma cert in early childho0d in years to come. They were waiting for their tickets and i was just entertaining them. They went in as so0n as they got the tix. When the show's over, i came across them. Doing my job i wave and said go0d-bye. To my surprised, these two girls came to me and hugged my legs. I was stunned for awhile. They were reviewing about the show itself and talking to me abt what they feel when the fireworks came off. Interesting! I am very much delighted that they shared their experience with me. Maybe I do feel the 'big sister act/teacher' in me... hahaha... :D
Anywayz, I've watched Supernatural "Blo0dy Mary" episode. Amazing that blo0dy mary is being killed by itself. Funny! Really it is! huaks... Then again, it's pretty much co0l to watch this kind of stuff. I really do enjoy it. I watched Buffy, Angel, Dark Angel, Supernatural, Charmed... Roughly you know what tv-shows do interest me. I do watch comedy such as, Friends, Joey, Grounded for life bla bla bla... huaks... o0hky, the legend says that if you called out "blo0dy mary" 3 times in the mirror.. She will haunts you down and had your eyes out of you. Kill you from your own guilt. Eats you up and dead you'll be! Well, sometimes these story can be really freaky but when you grows older and think about it... Pretty funny but it does have an impact on one's life... :D
Spo0ky stuff sometimes are to spo0k people but sometimes its to warn us to leave the spirit in peace. Mostly, these villians are the ones that seeks revenge for the murderer or the victim itself. The spirit is not at ease. Vengeance Revenge... bla bla bla... But the only spirit that I lo0k up to... Is--- Casper!! The friendly Ghost! I miss him... hehehe... :P o0h well, to0 much of this Supernatural thingy... Should get it off...
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
1:20 AM
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
I've found it!
Hey, I forgot to mention about yesterday. I went to causeway point with Kinah just to waste time. Came across the flower shop, i went in to ask if there's any black rose and the floweirst said that we have to order it. Before going into the shop, i told kinah that i would pay $100 for a dozen of black rose. Guess what? For 6 stalk of black rose that I order witll cost about $58... o0hky... roughly half of it though.. huaks... Hey, at least I can have the black rose!! Wuho0!.. Told Dee and she said that who died? Black rose=death... erk! Not for me, black is myterious, secretive and versatile.
Which ever the black rose represents, i still go for what it reprsents to me. :D Hey, everyone has different opinion just about everything. It's just how all of us see things. :) Anywayz, i jst want to say that I've found what i'm lo0king for. Weheee! Black rose isn't easy to find. You have to order it y'know... huaks... I will pay for the black rose and i think i'm gonna pamper myself with roses each month. huaks... It's just something that I feel it's worth to do. hehehe...
-->Different people has different opinion... :D
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
1:49 PM
A story to tell
Hmm... 5 Days of no latest updates. Been quite uptight. Anywayz, damped tissues everywhere and there's still tears from my eyes falling down wetting my cheeks. There's a word to use for it. Cry! Yeah, I'm crying!! bo0 ho0 ho0... It's the fact that I'm watching Kal Ho Na Ho. Yeps, hindi movies still gets me every single time. I've watched Kabhi Kushi Ghabi Gham and cried to0. Anywayz, I'm watching Kal Ho Na Ho so0 that means I will be sleeping late. As most of you would know that Kal Ho Na Ho is "a story of a lifetime... In a heartbeat"
. Well, what it actually meant is a Love story which will gets deep into your heart and soul. A love story about 3 people. A love triangle? Maybe... But it's not actually. A girl named Naina couldn't fall in love but once she fell in love. She can't get out of it, however, she has to0 as or else herself and her heart would feel lonely. Hurt by the environment and atmosphere she breathes in she couldn't possibly smile again.... (If you want to know all about it, buy/rent the VCD or DVD)
Updating my entry now! o0hky, went to Kampong to visit Bob. Yepee!! We missed each other so0 much. I get my stuff down and immediately called out for him. My dad leads me to the store ro0m and he was there. My dad picked Bob up and turned to me. I called his name as so0n as he saw me he replied and jumped onto me. I am most surprised and delighted. I would expect him to be sulking as I haven't visited him like about one month plus. I promised him that at least once a month I would drop by. However, I am so0 happy that I just cried. He is well again and I can see all the meat getting into him. I would foremost be as overjoyed as anyone would if the next time I come he will be back to his old body. The only thing upsets me is that he's still scared when lots of people around. Then again, it's a go0d thing such as bad kids won't have to bully him or hurt him in any way. My 3 and 1 lovely, wonderful and GOOD nephews and niece respectively were there. I would sneaked around just to void their attention to me and pops by the store ro0m and be inside there for a few minutes to accompany Bob and update him for the latest thing i've been doing in my life. For he is to0. I am so0 missing him so0 much. It's a relieve that he's doing great. If any part of my life in the future allows me with the circumstances to bring him home, i will bring him home and showers my love to him. At any chance and I won't miss or waste that opportunity. Patience...
Other than that, Haizel and Puteri is such a very cute baby couple. Still young and love is in the air. How cute and how sweet. hahaha... Puteri on the other hand, is a bully! She bullied the guest's baby and picking a fight with him. But flirts with Haizel. Haizel, being a loyal, loveing but very shy boy towards Puteri. Watching this two tickles my tummy. hahaha... But they do lo0k cute!
10th of April is my bro's b'day and I totally forgotten about it and told most of them that I worked on that day when actually i'm not rostered. I realised it when I went back home in the MRT on the day before. I just didn't know that I'm not working. hahaha... Yikes... Am I alright? Guess that I'm to0 hungry to think.... huaks....
0oh yeah, before I watched Kal Ho Na Ho, I watched "Stay Alive"... Quite interesting, really! Well, it may not be that gruesome or suspend. However, it's kind of freaky when a game is actually the one that kills you. I mean, how would you explains to the CSI? Or stops all those people who've played the video games? No wonder sometimes I do get the creeps watching my bro playing resident evils years ago. Then again, it's co0l though! huaks... The weird thing, I don't even know how to use the play station and all. Game?! The only time i play this stuff was when SEGA still alive. Now, it's like.. Which button is for which?? What's this buttons for? How many buttons? bla bla bla... Anywayz, I think the movie's co0l. But needs to add more of it sparks i guess... huaks...
The girl sits around doing her own stuff. She wasn't feeling so0 energetic on that day and feeling quite lazy. A track pants, t-shirt and a sandal she wore and went off to the usual place she hangs out. Searching for words to decribes how she feels but none was accurate. Walking towards a music store, she saw the guy. The guy she had a crushed on. The guy she had fallen in love with. The guy that she didn't know she would ever fall for. Suddenly, a cracked sound was heard. A piece falling from the big whole of heart. One by one it shattered when she saw a girl stand by him. She trembles and her whole entire atmosphere turned dark and windy. He introduced the girl and storm were rushing in. Thunder covered the sound of cries. Lightning blinds the eye of despair. Rain washes off the warm tears falling. Wind co0ls the air of unwanting emotions. She smiled when she wants to cry. She laughs when she wants to scream. Acted so0 co0l as if nothing's happening. She dismissed herself from their presence and walked off into the silence.
The filling was to0 full that she could not hold it back. Burst into tears she cried and cried. Why? is the question she asked. Why does she has to fall in love with him? Why does she has to fall? She knew true love were meant for a long term friendship. But why is this feeling so real? She began to hate love. She began to forget her first love. Although first love aren't meant to be forgotten but it will make herself and heart feeling lonely. She still wonders why does he has to be the one she met. Wonders why HE was the one that she has the time of fantaasy and reality of her life with. How can she fell for him? When does she ever let someone into her life? She keeps wondering. Her life is once and she will love again. Live today as tomorrow might never be......
--> Live to the fullest.... Kal Ho Na Ho...(≥≤)
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
1:48 AM
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Appreciation
When the night turns to day, someone woke up and heard : "Go0d Morning, dear. How's your sleep? Ready for a trip of the day?" Unknowingly that person disappears. There were no sun, no stars, nothing was around. Floating in a space where nothing to be seen. It's dark! Scary! LONELY! Suddenly,"Hi there! You are?" Jumped by the question.. answered the call. Freaking out, there were no sound but the mouth was moving... "My name's Angelina, call me Lina. Nice meeting you, _____" Surprised! Angelina called a name but the person didn't know the name. The person thought to herself, "am I blind?" Angelina heard her and say, " Are you crazy? You're not! You're lo0king at me straight in the eye! You have perfect visions..." The person talked instead of thinking. The person shuts up and sat down quietly.
Cold the person feels. Someone puts a cover over the skin. This time it's a male. "Helo0 there, my name is Scott." The person asked for Angelina but Scott only sees the person alone. Scott talks about the snow, the person was to0 shocked to believe. The person never know snow. Scott to0k a handful of them and gave to the person.
The snow melted and suddenly the person feels hot. A child comes by and laughed. "Are you insane? The weather's hot! It's summer! Why are you wearing a huge sweater?" The person was stunned and sweating all over. The person asked the child where's Scott. The child began to fear and screamed,'You're carzy! You're psycho!" The screaming went away and long it's disappeared.
The person feels so0 rejected. Every person that met went away without saying go0d-bye. Tears rolled down, though tears are just nothing. Pain and suffering. Hollow and sorrow. Why is everything unpleasant happened to me? Out of nowhere a motherly voice came to be heard and said,"What's so0 unpleasant? Why are you crying child?" The person told the motherly voice everything that happened...- Yesterday, I can see the wonderful things in Life. I can see the Sun, I can see the Mo0n. When today comes everything disappear and all i can see is nothing! I can hear, I can feel but I can't even listen to my own name they're calling...
The motherly voice laughed and said,"You haven't lost anything. All that you've met are here beside you. The Sun and the Mo0n still up in the sky. The weather keeps changing and we all knows how to dress. You are just blind folded. But, I can't untie the cloth. You tied it yourself. Only you knows the way to untie it. " The person was clueless. Blind folded? Searched for the knot but nothing. There were no cloth over the eyes. The person began to panic and almost had the life.
The motherly voice demands her to calm down. She began," It's not for your hand to untie but for your soul and spirit to do the job. It's not a normal cloth that you wear everyday. It's not a cloth that can be reached at any distance away. A cloth that's unseen and untouchable, only appears when you've lost ________." The last word seems to be unclear to the person's listening. The voice began to lower down and down and gone.
The person called out for help. No one came. Thinking about what the motherly voice said. "What have I lost?" In a fast speed, something flashes in the mind. Blurred it may seem but the message given was somehow clear. Angelina mentioned "perfect vision" ; Scott gave her the sweater as it was "Winter" and the child called her crazy because it was "Summer". However, nothing was happening. "Is it that i've lost the sense of sight? I can't see Angelina. I can't see Scott in Winter and I can't see the child in Summer." Again, the person can't find anything.
Suddenly, an angry voice roaring at the person, "You've lost yourself! Angelina know your name. Knows you have perfect visions but you don't care all you see was emptiness. Scott gave you the sweater in Winter. Times are cold! Gave you something for you to survived but you don't know. Child feared you cause you talked to yourself in the heat of the Sun when you can build sand castle with the child." Disappeared!
The person realise that something missing was a word called "Appreciation!" The End!
Do you know what is appreciation? Sometimes in life, we all take things for granted and asked for more. I don't appreciate life. I don't appreciate myself. Frankly, I don't! Everything that I see were all terribly wrong. I can't see the Sun. I can't see the Mo0n. I can't see anything even with my spectacles on. All I see is pain and sorrow. I was hard on myself. I stop believing almost everything. I have no soul. No spirit! Empty. I've made mistakes. I've made it HUGE! One time I fell down and hurt myself badly. I was injured and the scar lives in me. I began to cry dry. I began to give a smile. One by one thought me something. My eyes began to open up. When I fell, I heard someone said... "You don't appreciate. You take things for granted. You're useless! Sorrow and pain are all you feel. If you want happiness and joy, search for your own basket..." This is why things changed for me. I was hurt because someone pushed me down. I got up with the sufferings! I got up!!
---> Time is to0 little to cry and asked why. It's all about you finding the answer instead of sitting and begged to be fed for the answer. Get up and searched for more why's....
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
1:18 PM
Monday, April 2, 2007
Replenish
The end of somethings' are the beginning of new things. My last everything has given me a chance to get a glimpse of a new beginning. A start of something new is always very interesting. An excitement that gives enthusiasms a spark to know what's coming next. Climax,conflict, a go0d joke etc...
Going through, seeing through and reading through are an extreme way that will impact one's life. Also, depending on that oneself how to use the knowledge and power of intelligence to make a go0d bo0k out of itself.
May it be negative. May it be positive. Life is the definiti0n of it.
I just watched The Devil Wears Prada and I feel so0 content by it. It taught me how to be someone who I want to be and what I want to do and just go for it. Confidence and capability are part of the qualities that we should have in ourselves proving those who said,' no you're just can't!' Ridiculous to those who just wants to crumbles down your smile and high raising buildings that you've built. However, even when there's strong and firm, there's also weak and soft in us. No denials to that... ;)
Nevertheless, never NEVER never NEVER EVER LET ANY SINGLE THING OR PERSON bring you down to the ground~! Even when they say you lo0k uglier than Ugly Betty. You are worth of who you are. When they turned your back on you just becuase you're being silly... When they ran away from you when you are not go0d enough for them... When they ditched you just because you aren't up for it... All you have to do0 is lo0k in the mirror and say, "They've lost a million pieces to have their life turned into master piece of appreciation"........ You don't have to have those tears! You don't have to be broken... Even when it hurts, it's a step closer to your own Victory! You are beautiful and you are worth a priceless gift to anyone or anything exist in this world. Smile and put that positive words/charges in your blo0d that flows in you.
Get yourself together when all your parts further away from where it should be. You are full of love like the light that blinds you. Prove to them that they are wrong! Prove to them that you can do it when they say you can't. Prove to them that you are one and only one that no one else is YOU. You are the only one! Prove to them anything and everything you want to prove.
In life, you need to make your own decision. Decisions that you want instead of you needed to make. Ya... Life is all about decisions making. It's all about you! But remember- it can lead to great power comes with great responsibilities which leads to unpredictable decisions making. May it be positive, may it be negative.. Life is the Definition... :D And how life's gonna be is all in your hand. Make it wise, make it go0d.. Make your life wonderful... :D
-->get back when you fell down. It hurst but smile and say it didn't cuz in time to0 come you'll laugh at it!!... (^__^)
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
1:26 AM
Sunday, April 1, 2007
5S2 Chalet
This chalet that all of us have been waiting for patiently for the past few months has finally arrived. Excited but exhausted! It's on 28th of March and I jst had a chalet like 3 days before and working for the past two days. hmm... Lack of Sleep : yes! haha... o0hky so0 here comes the day and some of us went early and some went later. I was with the later people. Zuhairah and me waited for the boys whom carried the fo0d supplies. Andin was with Samitha and for the love of my eyes, I don't even know that was Samitha. Damn! People do change and grow up! Interesting. You do lo0k co0l, Samitha. ;)
(me and haira)
(we were waiting for the bus)
Bell said that we were also waiting for Jin Kwang and the rest of them. To our surprises, they already on their way to the chalet itself. So0, we make our move to the east taking 168 bus. There weren't any noise in the bus though. Guess that all of us were tired. Reaching at Tampines, we got off the wrong bus stop and had to walk into the interchange to take bus number 3. Met up with Salimin. Had a chat with him and was quite uncomfortable when he started to say abt Nora. I cut short saying, it's btween you and her. I am not even in the picture at the first place. Anywayz, we got into the bus and sat with BEll. Another short chat with Bell about how life's going. Quiute upsetting when some things happened in such a way. However, Thanks to him my bad-temper is now history... :D
(Samitha and Andin)
Finally we're at the chalet. I'm just so0 excited. I just wanna see all my friends. I miss them so0 much. Our ro0m was located deep inside the area. Rakinah was sleeeping while the rest watching tv. Hugged them screamed (like the normal scho0l girls do0). Changed my clothes and we're off talking. We talked, catching up with stuff. Went to Mcdonalds' to get Sundae and back to sit around and talk more. We played twister and it was damn funny!! I can't take it but laugh my heads off. hahah... I want to play more off twister please. heheh...
Remember that I don't really eat bbq stuff. Well, there were crackers and chocolate. So0 i ate those most of it and had a few chickens. Huaks. Thanks for the fo0d peeps. I don't have their pictures but Arep and Nazirah are the most that I saw standinig there and yep bbq-ing. Huaks... Thanks for the fo0d peeps. Not forgetting, Kinah had it boiled first before marinating... ehem... yummy yummy yummy!!
We to0k lots of photos here and there. People start going home as it was getting quite late. We should spend more time together people. Heard the next will be a trip to Desaru right? o0h well, whatever it is, we should spend time together more... Missing you peeps already.
(me and Kinah)
(me and Jasmeet)
The night came darker and we all gather around and talked, spreading the stories. Spo0ky and scary and hmm... Freaky ones!!! We planned to visit what they called the Red House in the later part of the night. I was excited of course but quite scared at some point. hahah... Duh!! It's located somewhere deep and isolated and at the end of the forest. I'm having some go0sebumps just by typing this. o0hky.. let's just stop and skip.
However, as we walked to our destinations. Three signs were given not to go there. First it was the snake. Second there were frogs scattered and the third was the crossover to the other side which we tend not to0 as there were other creatures that would make you bleed and heads off to the hospital. In the end, we all turned back and heads off to the chalet and talked until dawn. I was fast asleep when the boys started to play the JIWANGS (aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh) songs... Fuyo0w! hahaha...
(we're at mcdonalds to hv breakfast...hehe... :) [clockwise: Jun, atikah, andin, zaki, kinah, nazirah and wahidah]
(clockwise: Bell, Haikel, Ariff and Arep.. Semangat baca suratkhabar mcm bapa2... huaks)
It was raining heavily when i reached home. All i do was just sleep. hahaha... Well, I sure am disappointed not getting to see the Red House. hahaha... o0h well, i better not. There's always a reason... hmm... shhhhhhh.....
-->> Friends are forever... Friendships Last... :D P.S: These are some of the pictures that i can get... ;)
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
11:24 PM
MF Chalet
MF had a chalet at Sentosa Costa Sands Kampong houses. It was damn small arr the ro0m. We only had one (last minute). Zai picked me up and we go together2. Co0l arr! I wonder how it feels to drive a car on a road with so0 many vehicles. I only drive at Kampong single road... hahaha... In addition, I haven't take up any lesson for the license. Later lah... huaks...
I put my bag inside the hut and off to go somewhere. I just feel like going some place. I don't like to sit around much. So0 i walked alone and just walking. I walked towards Underwater World and bought myself an ice-cream. I thought of going to the other end where Tanjong Beach located. As i was walking, I was wondering what are we all going to do when it comes to night. Are we all going to explore or anything? Will there be anything on?... hmm....
I heard familiar voices and when i turned to my left (the stairs from Costa Sands Resort) came down the group. I joined them and we all walked to the Musical Fountain. Greeted those who's working and walkaround there. Most of them going back to Kampong while me (the only one watching the second show) went to the Ferry Terminal and eat my chips. Things flashes in my mind and tears were falling. Silly me! Caught up with emotions. Anywayz, I went back for the 8.40pm show and joined with the rest.
It was the second last day of Musical Fountain. There were staff watching it for the last time. Some of us set at the Wet Zone and hahaha... We got wet!! Yeah, I was one of them. It was fun, though! I really had fun watching and laughing getting wet. Part of me were crying! [Wave go0d-bye with a Smile].... There were speeches given by the supervisors and manager. bla bla bla....
By right, I should have hit the showers after being drenched by the dirty water. However, they said it would be no use as we might get the bbq smell. We had our 'EATING TIME' and bla bla bla... I have no mo0d to eat so0 I just drink... Ended up going into the toilet quite often. huaks... Anywayz, I was quite bored s0o i jst to0k pictures of some people eating, bbq-ing and just sitting there talking... haha...
(eating...)
(bbq-ing people_should thank them for the fo0d)
(hhmmm... yummy.....yummy.....)
I wanted to go out for adventure and stuff at around one plus in the morning with the girls. However, the boys said that they will be coming to0 at around 3 plus. o0hky... Thats gonna be fun!! So0, we waited. Before we went o0n going for explore. We played some game. We were divided into three groups. I can't remember the names, however, the group i was in called, "Marshmallows".. The game was called She-rades or something like guessig game where a volunteer from each group will act the words for his/her team members to guess within 2 minutes. Pretty exciting n co0l!! haha... Funny!!
So0 after that, we went for the walk. Since we have abt odd number of people, we decided to just walk from one end to the other end of the beach. Nothing much happened. I enjoyed the sky and i feel like lying on the flo0r just stare right up at the sky. Apparently, the location of the kampong hut was not an ideal place to star gaze as it was covered by the trees branches n etc... ahahaha... It was quite bored i supposed.
(Lots of peeps... huaks...)
(the rain... Isn't it so0 tempting...??)
Did i mentioned that the place that we so-called rented was actually the exact place where My Family to0k place in 1994? Well, yep2... It was the place. I prefer the olden style of the kampong huts. There weren't any cover nor air-cons. It's not a ro0m but actually a hut or resting place. My parents rented the whole 5 huts surrounded the circle thingy. At night, it rained but we didn't take cover. Instead we switched on the music and dance in the rain. It's really co0l! We had so0 much fun! How i miss those times! That was the first and the last time we all gathered as family. I remembered that my cousin was to0 hungry and gobble up the maggi. I still have the video and it tickles me and fear me to watch it. Wanna know why? Cuz i have no front teeth that time... huaks... I remembered I was wearing white shirt n red shorts if imnot wrong. Short hair.. I used to have short hair when I was a kid. I start to have long hair when it comes to the age of 7 or 8 years old. Anywayz, my short hair is like those style of jungle tribes--The Dayaks!... huaks... o0h yeah! I was fairer! huaks...
Back to the MF Chalet. 0oh yeah, we finally had this junction and I was't ready to head back to the kampong hut and just walk on by. Was not hoping anyone to come along though. I'm co0l walking or loitering around alone. Anywayz, i had fun and the day didn't end there. It started to rain and we were like exhausted! It was really tempting for me to be out in the rain but i didn't want to get wet as I jst had a shower and planned to go home in a few hours. Suba, Firdaus, Tay and myself heads home abt 8 in the morning. As so0n as i reached home, I straight went to bed. Had a slight argument with my dad for not telling him that I was out of the house for the night. Huaks... Went to work in the late afterno0n. At least, I had some sleep even if it's a few hours.
(see how tired...)
It was the last of Musical Fountain and I was posted at Gallery of Musical Fountain instead of being posted at Songs of the Sea. It was kind of sad but Shahirah told me; Leave Kiki with a Smile. I made the best out of me and enjoyed myself. Some of them asked me why i'm so0 happy and being excited on the last day of MF. The answer that I gave was; I am sad to know the facts but giving this atittude will leave an impression to the guests that their day with us is an enjoyment! Well, I know it is an enjoyment for me as the Last Day wasn't glo0my or sad. After the show, we had another party. We had the only show for our own staff and Zaini was the last Emcee of the day! He lo0ked so0 small and so0 cute that it cracks everyone into laughter. Laughters that laughs with Zai. He has the potential talent. He should have become the Emcee on the days that the original emcees couldn't make it... huaks... We went on stage when the final comes to an end. Saiful sabotaged me and Marina but I slipped and fell down on the flo0r. The water splashes on me and darn! I'm wet!! Huaks... Luckily, I to0k out my hp. Fuyo0!!... Well, we were very tired so0 we went back home. The rest still having party. In the loving Memories --> Musical Fountain on 26 March 2007. The only work place that I can last until it lasted. Missing it already... Check some of the clips at youtube.com... :D
(Zai and Mr Robot, RVO or RBO... haha)
(Bunga api! Hari raya!! huaks)
(see how wet i am?)
Lastly....--->
(The last moment with Kiki)
--> Memories are there to be smiling about. Dark past are there to remind us of our mistake and taken aback to re-create a memory to be smiling about.
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
3:20 AM
I am 19 as of 2007. Born on 25 July (hari raya haji eve in 1988 at A timing). The third and the last child. Has a cat named BOB, treats him like a brother.
I love Music. Music is my Life.
Treasures friends, family and my Dreams. Daring I am, rebellious still. Passionate and determines my life, no one could steal it from me but HIM.
Blessed with what I have!! Obstacles after another, Patience I learn. Afraid not, I cannot FEAR!! So0 Many, So0 Little... Love me for ME, Hate me for ME. Know me for Real, Fakers are just not me