Sunday, April 29, 2007
I'm screwed and perhaps regretting
I have 5 days to revise for my exams and I am screwed! I am so0 selfish and out of focus. I don't know how it happened but I drew my attention on other things, focus it and get hold of it. Somehow, i've channeled my focus on something that should not be focus on to0 just yet. As a result, i've neglected my studies and i am paying the price for it. I can hear the disappointment in my parents' voice, the tears of sadness in their eyes and the heartache that i feel the guilt and shame. I am so0 sorry m0m and dad. I know i've disappointed you and i'm sorry that i might disappoint you again. I've tried my best not disappoint you but I did it again. I will try not to disappoint you again in the future. I promise i will make the best out of me. Give me another chance and have hope in me. I love you, mom and dad.
Nevertheless, i've found out the mistake and willing to fix it all. Eventually, time doesn't not stand still. So0, i'm trying my very best to make most out of it. I realise that sometimes a place do play a part. I will pull my sock up high and do my very best for now. If so0, i may just have to plan further and a far away from where i already am. Another chance, is all I need. Have faith in me!
I may have taken some steps that may have a negative impact on myself. Some things that may have appeared seemingly wrong. I've made some decisions without thinking about it over and over again. When I’m committed, I’ve realized that there are number of errors, which makes me, think about it as a mistake. I started to wonder and ask myself, 'is this what i really want?' Questions myself and search. Flashbacks on time and seek for some answers. I can actually knock my head with a hammer, if possible. Nevertheless, it is a learning ground for me. Messing up things can outstand the things that i'm searching for. I may regret it at some point, however, as time goes ... It was never a regret but a step to know.
A colleague asked me about "what's my objectives in job scope" and i was stunned by it and thought to myself cluelessly. I never thought of any objectives as long as i'm working and i got paid. I have objectives in life but never did i focus on a job that i'm doing or might be doing. Given myself some time, i realised that my job scope - is fun and enjoyment in my work. I am a happy person and like to make everyone enjoy their days. I am not a person who would stress myself every single day or challenge my mind on something. I like it smo0th... Summing up on it - my type of job is where i can have fun. I prefer open space than enclosed. Well, enclosed place with little tension and pressure would be o0hky... Something that I can do to entertain or make others smile and enjoy. Another thing, i am the type of person that personal life is also my priority. A job with 5 working days per week would be favourable... At least the other 2 days are left for me to have my own plans...
So0 far, these are the things that i can gather from my experience. Although, i don't really like to be exposed to the sun but i won't mind if it doesn't really make me stress all round the clock. As long as i am happy with what I am doing and that i don't really make trouble, i am go0d. hahaha.... Well, for now, I will have to spank my as$ for being procrastinating. I have to plan ahead and focus on it. Whatever it may be, I will try and do my very best....Screwed? Regret? Both? Maybe... But things happens for a reason. This is a learning ground for me. Mistakes are made to be learnt...
---> Screwing up sometimes means knowing the mistake and fixing it.... :D
(thinking a far)
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
2:39 AM
I am 19 as of 2007. Born on 25 July (hari raya haji eve in 1988 at A timing). The third and the last child. Has a cat named BOB, treats him like a brother.
I love Music. Music is my Life.
Treasures friends, family and my Dreams. Daring I am, rebellious still. Passionate and determines my life, no one could steal it from me but HIM.
Blessed with what I have!! Obstacles after another, Patience I learn. Afraid not, I cannot FEAR!! So0 Many, So0 Little... Love me for ME, Hate me for ME. Know me for Real, Fakers are just not me