Wednesday, June 13, 2007
What's wrong with me??
I've reached my peak. I better st0p denying!! I've been feeling qute low and down for these past few days. I know what's causing it but I can't really know why it's causing it. It should be great news that i've found my full-time job as a Trainee Childcare Teacher. However, to my own surprise it doesn't seems to be a great news nor get me excited. Instead, it gets me feeling worst!!! I really do want this job and I had it but why am I not happy? Why am i crying?? It's go0d beneficial and all but I just don't know why?! I love the kids, the kids aren't the problem neither do the staff. It's just me!! I wasn't being focus and a child fell down without me noticing it. I was out in the other land. I'm not sure if I deserve this job w/o any special techniques or experience. I feel so0 guilty and heavy. I am not matured yet I'm taking care of those kids?? hahaha... I am risking their stay. Parents send their kids to childcare centre with trust. I can't even trust myself taking care of these kids and expect the parents to trust me. It is so0 dangerous.
Another thing, I miss Sentosa's atmosphere. The sand, sea and the sky are just making it so0 perfect every single day even when it's the worst day ever! I guess that with my immaturity, i discover that I am not fit to have a full-time job at the age of 18. hah! Wth!!! This is really wreck man!! Really!!! I've made it through the interview and quit Sentosa but it's just doesn't seems to be such. I can't even believe myself. The pay is go0d yet i'm just feeling so0 dissatisfied. I wanna go back to Sentosa. This is it! Sentosa is the land where my grandfather used to live in and it's the closest thing for me to be close to him... hahaha... I know this may sound like crap. Haiz... I really don't know lah... When I quit Sentosa, it was the hardest thing to do. I don't even just go off like that, I stick around for awhile alone watching Sentosa from Vivo City... Siak arr, EMO lah seh!!!.... huaks....
I don't know what's going through my mind that time. The only thing I can remember was when will I be going back... I am sure that I will have a come back but I never thought that it may not be early or not at all if i have 5 and half working days. Damn it arr!!! I am such... Not to mention, I had so0 much fun and lo0king forward to work in Sentosa. I really don't know what to do....
I'm 18, immature to have full-time job and I am in a favour for enjoyment... ahahaha... Feeling so0 depress right now. U know what?! Even if I want to be a fashion designer or animator, I think i just pass. I guess that my Diploma is travel and tourism and i should be in that way of direction. haiz...
? a life to0 precious to WASTE.
7:58 PM
I am 19 as of 2007. Born on 25 July (hari raya haji eve in 1988 at A timing). The third and the last child. Has a cat named BOB, treats him like a brother.
I love Music. Music is my Life.
Treasures friends, family and my Dreams. Daring I am, rebellious still. Passionate and determines my life, no one could steal it from me but HIM.
Blessed with what I have!! Obstacles after another, Patience I learn. Afraid not, I cannot FEAR!! So0 Many, So0 Little... Love me for ME, Hate me for ME. Know me for Real, Fakers are just not me